Bay Area Sex Therapist Reveals the Benefits of Using a Vibrator

By: Dr. Denise Renye

As a Marin County sex therapist, I firmly believe that the use of vibrators is a deeply personal choice, and one that should be respected without judgment. And because I am interested in helping my clients have experiences of embodied pleasure, and because vibrators can be valuable tools for exploring your pleasure and understanding your body, I’m here to talk about it. My role is not to impose my views or values onto others, but rather to provide a safe and non-judgmental space for individuals to explore their sexuality and make informed decisions about their sexual health and well-being.

As much as we talk about AI replacing humans, humans cannot be replaced. Physical intimacy is so much more than orgasming, which is why I recommend the people I work with focus on pleasure and not only orgasming. A machine can’t attune to you, hold you, touch you, stroke your neck, or nibble on your earlobe. Vibrators are not competition in the bedroom – they are aids.

Vibrators can heighten sexual pleasure, improve sexual function, and help with the exploration of your body and preferences. They aren’t only for people with vulvas, by the way. All genders can enjoy vibrators! For a broader example, the anus is a highly pleasurable sex organ – it has a dense network of sensory nerves that engage with the genitals in the engorgement, muscular tension, and contractions of sexual arousal and orgasm.

Vibrators can contribute to stress relief, relaxation, and enhanced blood flow, potentially leading to better sexual health. For some people, a vibrator can also help with pain relief, particularly for menstrual cramps or pelvic discomfort. And for people who want to use a vibrator for more than masturbation, it can promote intimacy and communication with a partner. As a Marin County sex therapist, I work with couples around communication and sometimes even how sexual expression could include toys.

There are some things to keep in mind, however. There are often myths around things that are perceived as threatening or are unfamiliar. One such myth is that it’s dangerous to overuse a vibrator. As a Marin County sexologist, I can assure you that there is no scientific evidence to support the myth that you can overuse a vibrator. Like any tool used for sexual pleasure, it’s essential to listen to your body and practice moderation. However, there is no inherent danger or harm in using a vibrator frequently or regularly.

It's essential to prioritize comfort, pleasure, and overall well-being in your sexual exploration. If you have any concerns or questions about vibrator use, it's always a good idea to consult with a healthcare provider or a qualified sexologist for personalized guidance. Overuse of a vibrator is not something, in general, to be concerned about unless the desire to use it is interfering with other aspects of your life.

That said, using a vibrator frequently with intense pressure may lead to desensitization over time and make it potentially harder to respond to gentler stimuli. It's important to vary the types of stimulation and be attuned to your personal comfort levels. And if you are feeling a sense of desensitization – which does not happen for everyone –consider taking a break…a bit of a vibrator respite, if you will.

Keep in mind that exploration, communication, and listening attention to your body are key to maintaining a healthy and enjoyable relationship with a vibrator. Lastly, practice good hygiene by cleaning the vibrator properly because otherwise, just as with other electronic aids, such as an electric toothbrush, if it’s not clean it could lead to infections. If you have questions, want to talk about it, or experience discomfort, numbness, or any persistent issues when using a vibrator, consult a healthcare professional or sex therapist for guidance.

If you’re interested in a vibrator but aren’t sure what to try, here’s a brief guide to the various types:

·      Bullet Vibrators are compact and versatile. They are typically small, discreet (hence the name), and easy to handle. They are often used for targeted clitoral stimulation but can also be used on other erogenous zones.

·      Suction Vibrators create a sucking sensation around the clitoris that mimics oral sex. They can enhance arousal and provide a unique form of stimulation that often leads to intense orgasms.

·      Wand Vibrators are larger, versatile devices that can be used for both external and internal stimulation. They are popular for their ability to deliver strong sensations but their power can be too much for some folx.  

·      Couple's Vibrators are designed to be used during partnered activities. They can enhance the sexual experience for both individuals and are very inclusive. They may provide stimulation to the clitoris, penis, or other erogenous zones during intercourse.

·      Wearable Vibrators are discreet and can be worn internally or externally, allowing for hands-free stimulation. Some are designed to be controlled remotely, which can add an element of surprise and intimacy for couples.

·      G-Spot Vibrators are specifically shaped to target the G-spot, a sensitive area inside the vagina. They often have a curved or bulbous design to facilitate precise stimulation of this erogenous zone.

·      Vibrating Anal Toys are designed for anal stimulation and come in various shapes and sizes, including beads, plugs, and prostate massagers. They can enhance pleasure and provide a unique sensation due to the high concentration of nerve endings in the anal area. Because of the size, vibrating anal toys can also be used when first getting used to inserting something inside yourself.  

As you’re picking your vibrator, have fun and choose one that aligns with your personal preferences, comfort levels, and those of your partner if you’re using sex toys together. Also, use appropriate lubrication and practice good hygiene by following the manufacturer's guidelines for cleaning and maintenance, especially with anal toys. And in the words of Egon Spengler, “never cross the streams” by bringing a toy used anally to any other orifice.

Overall, incorporating a vibrator into your sexual repertoire may positively affect mental well-being, contribute to better sleep, and foster a healthier approach to sexuality and pleasure. If you’re not already using a vibrator, give it a shot – you have nothing to lose and everything to gain.

If you want to work together for sex therapy, depth psychotherapy, or holistic coaching, click here.