Gone are the days when marriage meant being with someone solely for the sake of fulfilling societal expectations or securing financial stability. Now people seek partners who offer emotional availability, understanding, and support. They desire relationships built on mutual respect, shared values, and a sense of partnership. They want companions who enhance their lives and share their journeys. People want a partner who listens with empathy, communicates openly, and demonstrates emotional maturity. It’s part of the reason I’ve seen an uptick in requests for premarital counseling – modern couples recognize marriage takes effort and they want to enter their marriage with as many tools in their toolbox as possible.
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Our society places a premium on achieving orgasm as the pinnacle of sexual satisfaction so it's easy to lose sight of the many other forms of pleasure that can be found along the way. While orgasms can certainly be a pleasurable and fulfilling part of sex for many people, they are by no means the sole measure of sexual satisfaction, especially when you factor in the issues surrounding orgasms.
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The inner critic is born from unprocessed childhood trauma. If you dig deeper, you’ll likely find the inner critic voice is eerily similar to a parent or guardian, either in words you heard or interpretations through actions they showed. We often internalize those voices and messages that whisper tales of inadequacy and unworthiness. There may have been neglect, rejection, or emotional abuse in childhood and so to deal with the pain, often an inner critic arises that repeats these negative messages in an effort to wound yourself before anyone else has the chance to wound you. On the other hand, the inner critic may say, “If only you did things the right way, everything would be fine.”
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The internet, and people in general, like to speak in absolutes about what people should do. But in my work as a sex therapist, I give space for my clients to figure out what is best for them, whether that’s ending the relationship with the emotionally unavailable person or supporting them as they navigate staying together. However, there are some general guidelines for healing.
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Foreplay, broken down, means an act that occurs prior to some sort of fun or play. The fun, in this case, is assumed to be intercourse. It assumes the fun has not already begun. But if looks and energy are being exchanged and consensual touching is resulting in pleasure, I hold the stance that the fun has certainly gotten underway. Also, foreplay is heteronormative, which probably isn’t a surprise given the role it plays in Wetzel’s study.
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Vibrators can contribute to stress relief, relaxation, and enhanced blood flow, potentially leading to better sexual health. For some people, a vibrator can also help with pain relief, particularly for menstrual cramps or pelvic discomfort. And for people who want to use a vibrator for more than masturbation, it can promote intimacy and communication with a partner. As a Marin County sex therapist, I work with couples around communication and sometimes even how sexual expression could include toys.
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Tantra is a holistic spiritual tradition that explores various practices and philosophies aimed at achieving spiritual awakening and unity with the divine. While it includes aspects related to sexuality in some of its branches, tantra is a much broader and more diverse tradition, encompassing a wide range of practices and beliefs that extend beyond the sexual aspect.
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As a certified sexologist and licensed psychologist, my work predominantly focuses on relationships – all relationships. I advocate for premarital counseling because it can help couples prepare for the complexities of marriage. It delves into various aspects of a relationship including communication, conflict resolution, romantic and sexual connection, financial management, and emotional intimacy.
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Consent is the crucial element in this discussion. None of these women and girls (because deepfake pornography is also being created about young girls) said “yes” to having their faces splashed across the internet engaging in sexual acts. In an era where privacy is increasingly compromised, the ability to obtain someone's image or voice without their knowledge and then manipulate it for malicious purposes poses a serious threat. These women, because it’s almost exclusively women, are victimized by the unauthorized use of their likeness, leading to emotional distress and strain on their relationships.
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I am more than happy to consult, of course, but this gap in training on human sexuality can have far-reaching consequences for individuals and couples. They may not receive the specialized support they need to navigate sexual and relational challenges and enhance their sexual health. Addressing sexual concerns requires a nuanced understanding of cultural, psychological, and physiological factors, which a general therapist may not be equipped to handle from the training they received. Consequently, this omission in training is a disservice to patients and hinders their access to the holistic care necessary for a fulfilling and healthy life.
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Dissociation is common because the mind and body are smart. They act in ways to protect us from something traumatic. Traumatic experiences occur when our nervous systems become overwhelmed, affecting our capacity to cope both physically and on emotional or spiritual levels.
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In a world where we are increasingly encouraged to divorce our bodies and minds, Eugene Gendlin's work on focusing and felt sensing offers a powerful antidote. These practices not only facilitate the reconnection of body and mind but also serve as transformative tools for communication. For folx who have been oppressed, these practices are particularly valuable, as they provide a means to speak from a place of authenticity and empowerment. By embracing these techniques, individuals can unlock their true selves, paving the way for healing, personal growth, and societal change.
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The journey of breastfeeding, while filled with moments of profound joy, can also present challenges that shake a mother's confidence. Meditation, as exemplified by "Nourishing Flow," offers a healing and empowering solution. It provides a space for mothers to address their concerns, visualize the beauty of the breastfeeding process, and reaffirm their inner strength and wisdom. With this support, as well as therapy, mothers can find comfort and confidence in breastfeeding, fostering a more harmonious and enriching experience for both themselves and their precious babies.
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The absence of the divine feminine in Western medicine is a pressing issue that deserves careful consideration. Addressing the demanding work hours, prioritizing the well-being of healthcare providers, and respecting the inner being of medical students are crucial steps toward creating a more holistic and compassionate healthcare system. By acknowledging the toxic elements of the patriarchy that have seeped into medicine and embracing the qualities of the divine feminine, we can move toward a more balanced and nurturing approach to healthcare—one that values both the health of the provider and the well-being of the patient.
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The divine feminine is also a symbol of empowerment and trust. Doulas and midwives empower birthing individuals by providing them with knowledge and information about the birthing process, allowing them to make informed choices about their bodies and their babies. In a world where medical interventions often dominate the birthing experience, these caregivers advocate for the autonomy and agency of birthing individuals, helping them reclaim their innate power to give birth.
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One of the most pervasive ways in which the patriarchy fuels envy among women is through the imposition of unattainable beauty standards. The media and advertising industries often present a narrow and idealized image of beauty, leading women to feel envious of those who seemingly conform to these standards. Envy arises when women perceive themselves as falling short, either in terms of physical appearance or the resources required to achieve it, such as access to expensive beauty products or cosmetic procedures.
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In the competitive world of business, success is often measured by productivity and bottom-line results. While traditional business models have typically focused on masculine-driven qualities such as competition, efficiency, and hierarchy, there is a growing recognition of the positive impact that acknowledging and embracing the Divine Feminine can have on business outcomes.
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Body worship is a form of sexual play where one partner lavishes praise, attention, and sensual affection upon the other partner's body. It is a practice rooted in the idea that the human body is a work of art, worthy of admiration and celebration. This form of sexual expression transcends the boundaries of societal norms and allows individuals to explore their desires, connect on a deeper level, and foster a sense of intimacy that goes beyond the physical.
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For sapiosexuals, intellectual stimulation must be present before they feel sexually attracted. As with demisexuality, sapiosexuals are not limited by gender expressions and therefore can be sapiosexual and gay, or sapiosexual and straight, or bi, or pan, or … Sexual attraction hinges on the intellect and not gender.
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