IN THE MEDIA

32 Ethically Made Porn Movies You Can Buy Rn

Jill Hamilton, Gigi Engle and Sophie Saint Thomas- Cosmopolitan

Good news: There are all kinds of ways to enjoy the wonderful world of porn, from reading erotica to listening to it to, of course, getting off to classic porn movies. And by “porn movies,” we don’t just mean these super hot Netflix sex scenes—though, trust, those are definitely worth checking out. Yes, people have been getting off to run-of-the-mill movie sex scenes for a while now, but there is a whole genre of ethically produced porn movies that combines all the real-deal sex-having of porn with the fully developed plots and narrative arcs and cinematic ~flourishes~ of a Hollywood blockbuster. Hello and welcome to the streaming-era revival of the Golden Age of Porn.

28 Sex Fetishes and Kinks That Are Actually Common

Sophie Saint Thomas- Allure

The term "fetish" may evoke images of black bodysuits and complicated sexual contraptions, but you may already be acting out some of the most common examples. (Spanking, anyone?) What defines a fetish isn't what the activity or object of desire is so much as the role it plays in someone's life. "A fetish is typically referred to as behavior that someone cannot get sexually aroused without. Fetishes can also be a term people use to describe sexual arousal that is coupled with a typically non-sexual object," says sexologist and psychologist Denise Renye.

17 Signs You’re in an Intimate Relationship, According to Experts

Sophie Saint Thomas- Cosmopolitan

Intimacy refers to a deep connection and closeness between individuals, and the nature of this connection can vary based on the individuals involved and the dynamics of their relationship," says clinical psychologist and certified sexologist Denise Renye.

Dungeons of Perception: How the Psychedelic and Kink Community Can Learn from Each Other to the Benefit of the Queer Community

Dr. Denise Renye -Explore Queering Psychedelics: From Oppression to Liberation in Psychedelic Medicine

Creating spaces that are inclusive and accepting of people across various continua is, in theory, a principle that the sex-positive community, as well as the psychedelic community, is centered upon. At first glance, it might seem like psychedelics have little to no overlap with kink/BDSM (bondage/discipline, dominance/submission, and sadism/masochism). However, upon deeper reflection, there is more in common, with a great deal of overlap. Furthermore, by communicating with one another, the psychedelic and kink communities can learn from each other, and this can more deeply benefit queer folx.

What to Know About Anal Sex If You Have a GI Issue

Dr. Denise Renye quoted in article by Sophie St. Thomas on self.com

“Sex can be messy … and it's definitely true with anal sex, IBS or not,” licensed psychologist and certified sexologist Denise Renye, Psy.D., tells SELF.

“Many times, people are self-conscious, yet we are all humans, and any caring partner will understand any mess that may be present,” Renye says.

Here’s Exactly What You Should Know About How to Have a Clitoral Orgasm

Dr. Denise Renye quoted in article by Sophie St. Thomas on cosmopolitan.com

Meet your clitoris, the small and sensitive part at the top of your vulva. With its 8,000 nerve endings, it exists to give you some serious pleasure. I mean, you can basically credit that thing to any orgasm you’ve ever experienced according to new research.

“It turns out that all orgasms are clitoral,” says sex therapist Holly Richmond, PhD. “They discovered that the clitoris actually has legs. These nerve endings are expanding all through the vagina and pelvic floor muscles.” So rather than thinking about the clitoris shaped as a button, it’s more similar to a wishbone.

3 Steps for Choosing the Right Therapist

By Denise Renye on GoodTherapy.org

When you’re in psychological or emotional pain, it’s tempting to book a session with whatever therapist has the soonest availability, but that’s a mistake. As I’ve written about on my own blog, the therapeutic relationship is a special one. It’s unique and not to be found anywhere in the typical social world. For some, a therapist is the first or perhaps only secure attachment figure in their life.  

A secure attachment figure is someone who provides a safe physical and emotional environment for interaction. They are people clients can count on, someone they can express their innermost thoughts to, a person that holds space for feelings and processing feelings without shame, blame, or judgment. The healing happens in the space between the hearts and minds and spirits of the patient and the therapist. The relationship is the healing container.    

Whips, leather, safewords: Exploring BDSM

By SANDHYA GANESAN featuring Dr. Denise Renye on The Daily Californian

“Because there is so much safety built into an ethical BDSM experience, there is less anxiety and therefore more possibility of having an experience where power plays abound, but so does safety,” Renye said. “This is a safe and contained experience wherein someone who may have experienced abuses in the past, a setting where they had no control, can now feel in control.”

Renye added that BDSM practices or scenes can allow people to feel a deeper connection with their body instead of feeling disassociated or removed from the body. She noted that because of the intensity of BDSM, she encourages people to bring their experiences up with their therapist. Talking with therapists, sex therapists or sexologists can further the possibility of healing.  

“It differs from a fetish in that a fetish is something that has to be sexually included for the person to get aroused,” said Denise Renye, a sexologist and psychologist at Whole Person Integration, in an email. “Consent is top priority for any sexual connection, kinks and fetishes for sure because the sensitivity of this type of play requires a safe container and that safe container can be created through consent.” 

shroomie Sex: What The Decriminalization of Psilocybin Means For Your Sex Life

Dr. Denise Renye quoted in article by Sophie St. Thomas

“If the dose is too high, a sexual experience will most likely not even be possible,” says psychologist, Dr. Denise Renye

If Your sexual preferences changed over lockdown you’re not alone

By Sophie Saint Thomas on bumble.com featuring Dr. Denise Renye

The pandemic created space, and that’s not something that people typically create for themselves,” says psychologist and sexologist Dr. Denise Renye. Before all that alone time, “it may have been tough to get in touch with what’s going on inside, like any discomfort someone might have been sitting with for years around their sexual orientation,” says Dr. Renye.  

It may seem obvious, but many felt emboldened to come out during the pandemic because COVID served as a reminder of our mortality. “Being in touch with the finite aspect of life can help people live their lives to the fullest and to get in touch with who they truly are,” says Dr. Renye. 

Sex Therapy with Dr. Denise Renye

Kaleidoscope of Possibilities with Dr. Adriana Popescu featuring Dr. Denise Renye

Abusive Relationships and Inner Child Healing With Dr. Denise Renye

Building Healthier Relationships Podcast featuring Dr. Denise Renye

What is Skin Hunger?

By:  Dr. Denise Renye on GoodTherapy

The reaction to skin and need to touch it starts at birth, which is why skin-to-skin contact is recommended for new babies. However, unlike food hunger, some people can live on virtuaBUILDING HEALTHIER RELATIONSHIPS PODCASTlly no touch. There are some folks who don’t want to be touched and they don’t need it. Then there are others who want to be touched a lot.

There’s a spectrum for skin hunger and many fall somewhere in the middle.

At the height of the pandemic, skin hunger came up a lot because people were hugging less, engaging with casual sex partners less, and visiting friends and family less. The pandemic may have turned up the intensity of skin hunger, but a person can experience skin hunger at any time for any reason.

For some, depending on how they grew up, they may not have the body memory of touch and there may be a lifelong yearning to be touched more.

What Does it Mean to be a Labyrinth Facilitator?

By:  Dr. Denise Renye on Elephant Journal

I was first trained in the use of labyrinths when I was 19 years old. At my college, we created a canvas labyrinth that we unfurled to be used as a space holder for students and neighborhood folx to come and have respite from their everyday lives. They could bring their concerns and issues to the labyrinth. When they got to the center, they could choose to leave something in the middle (a tangible object or a mental burden they’ve been carrying), or not. Often, they left feeling different than they did when they arrived. That’s the power of a labyrinth journey.

PHRASES WOMEN ARE CONDITIONED TO SAY

By:  Dr. Denise Renye on Therapyden.com

I witness this behavior with my business or executive coaching clients. In male-dominated fields such as tech and construction management, the women say, “Do you know what I mean? “Does that make sense?” often. They may not feel confident or secure in their environment and “soften” their statements by asking these questions. How does this happen, especially when you take into account girls and women are doing better than boys and men in academia?

How Trees Provide a Lesson in Healing  

By:  Dr. Denise Renye on Therapyden.com

Nature is healing because not only does it slow us down and ground us, but it also offers perspective and lessons if we’re willing to notice. During times of intensity, I encourage you to contemplate a tree. How a tree suffers from pestilence, drought, flooding, heat, cold, and more and yet adapts to the environment. A tree doesn’t pretend it’s without scars; instead, it lets the scars heal in a timeframe that promotes true recovery. Let us all be a little more like trees.

The Power of Pets in Therapy

By:  Dr. Denise Renye on GoodTherapy.org

The bond between humans and pets began roughly 40,000 years ago when dogs became domesticated and has continued ever since. You likely already know the benefits of pet companionship either because you had one as a kid, have one as an adult, or know someone who shares their pet with you. Those benefits can include:

Why a Depth Psychotherapist Asks Questions

By:  Dr. Denise Renye on GoodTherapy.org

A special sort of questioning happens with a depth psychotherapist. I don’t mean the easily answered questions like, “What do you do for work?” but open-ended questions designed to offer an invitation to the depths within the self and toward the unconscious.

The Commonplace Taboo Few are Addressing: Genetic Attraction

By:  Dr. Denise Renye on Elephantjournal.com

With the Supreme Court’s recent reversal of Roe v. Wade, it’s likely there will be an uptick in adoptions. The practice is often painted as a simple and happy solution to unwanted or unintended pregnancy, but the level of trauma associated with adoption is intricate and very unique.

Witches, women and psychology

By:  Dr. Denise Renye on Elephantjournal.com

A way to rise up against misogyny could be through the exploration and embrace of witchcraft and to read about and learn the history/herstory of how women have been victims of the patriarchy. Self-identified women and folx on that end of the gender continuum are saying, “no” to patriarchy and misogyny even if unintentionally by delving into witchcraft. By embracing the title of “witch,” they are reclaiming the attributes for which previous generations violently died. They are saying “yes” to their power. They are saying “yes” to being outside mainstream mores. And they are saying “yes” to the parts of themselves that might have gotten them killed centuries ago.

Practice Transcendent sex, it’s for you too if you want it!

By:  Dr. Denise Renye on Elephantjournal.com

In the context of sex, why would you want it to be transcendent? For one, it can produce an ecstasy more powerful than orgasm, but also it could heal trauma from incest or other sexual abuse; support you in experiencing increased self-acceptance, especially of sexuality, gender, and preference for partners; help you live in a more loving, connected way with all beings; and bestow you with increased energy, to name a few.

Practice Attunement to Feel Seen and Nurtured in Your Relationships?

By:  Dr. Denise Renye on GoodThearpy.org

Emotional attunement is a process and a skill that takes practice. It’s not something learned overnight but there are actions you can take today to feel closer to the people in your life and vice versa. Share this article with them, and together, build the sort of relationship that is satisfying to you both.

Happy, Romantic Relationships Need space

By:  Dr. Denise Renye on GoodThearpy.org

There are some creative ways to create space in your romantic relationship. Before we get into that, I’ll explain why you may consider space in your relationship. It’s important to note that creating and having space is not to be away from your partner, nor does it mean you love them any less. But it does mean you have your own interests to pursue, you are a separate person who chooses daily to be in a relationship, and you value yourself as a person as well as you both together as a couple, simultaneously.

TAKING A BROADER VIEW OF SEX

By:  Dr. Denise Renye on GoodThearpy.org

When many people think of sex, they think of penis-in-vagina (PIV) intercourse. They may also think of orgasms and ejaculation. However, as a sexologist, I take a broader view of sex.

Calling, texting, holding hands, talking over tea or a glass of wine, caressing, admiring, stroking, massaging, tickling, kissing lips and necks and arms and bellies and inner thighs are all forms of play (fore and beyond). Sex is not linear – it doesn’t start with kissing, progress to foreplay, and culminate in heterosexual intercourse. Sex could go from talking to kissing to talking to hand-holding to caressing to massaging to intercourse (if applicable and desired) to massaging to stroking, etc.

How to Cope with Anxiety If You Can’t Go to Therapy

By:  Dr. Denise Renye on GoodThearpy.org

Some people don’t know what else to try for anxiety other than pharmacological interventions because they may not have considered therapy as an option. And even many people who have considered therapy may not be able to afford it. Learning how to cope with anxiety in healthy ways can make such a difference.

Breaking Free from the Shame Around Masturbation

By:  Dr. Denise Renye on GoodThearpy.org

If you take the time and care to attune and learn how your body likes to be touched and pleased, it can be a great contribution to your life in general.

My hope in all of my work is to help people to be more fully themselves and releasing shame can help them do that.

Goal-Oriented Sex: Reconsider Your Sex Goals

By:  Dr. Denise Renye on GoodThearpy.org

As I’ve written about before, embodiment allows you to be in touch with the body signals that you get on a regular basis. If you can sense them, you can use them to your advantage. You know what you like and don’t like more and more as you progress in your journey of embodiment. When you are navigating a sexual or sensual situation with someone, you are in a better position to know and communicate things such as “Let’s try this out” or “I’d like it if you touched me slower/faster/lighter/harder,” or “Stop what you are doing; I’m not into it. I’d like this or that instead.”

For Therapists: Working with Sex Workers

By:  Dr. Denise Renye on GoodThearpy.org

I’ve worked in a variety of capacities with sworkers over the past two decades. It’s been important, deeply transformative work ranging from outreach to counseling. The counseling was sometimes directly related to the job, just like with anyone else I’ve counseled. Sometimes the concern or issue will be work-related, sometimes it won’t in the same way that a doctor I may counsel doesn’t talk about her patients or co-workers all the time.

The Overlap Between Kink/BDSM and PSYCHEDELICS Sex is More than The Physical Act

By:  Dr. Denise Renye on Chacruna.net

Psychedelic journeys are not for everyone at every time in life, and BDSM play is not for everyone at every time in life. Each has their place and each deserves the time and attention needed to prepare for such a deep dive endeavor. Journal about it and discuss it with your therapist or shaman and your partners. If your partners are not understanding, this is good information, as you want to be with people who respect your boundaries, needs, and desires. It is imperative that you have partners and facilitators that respect you in all ways.

The Magic Of Anger

By:  Dr. Denise Renye on GoodTherapy.org

That’s what emotions do – they inform us about the impact the world has on us and help us process it. Feeling an emotion is very different from expressing it. Further, some ways of expressing it are healthier than others. Feeling anger is an internal process; it happens inside and can feel big and overwhelming at times. But again, when anger arises, it’s for a reason. Pay attention to your body. Follow the embodied experience of the feeling. You’ll find anger brings a message with it. What is it trying to tell you? Did someone violate a boundary? Are you noticing an injustice in the world at large?

A Sexologist’s Perspective on Sexuality

By:  Dr. Denise Renye on GoodTherapy.org

But sex is more than the physical act. When talking about sex, I like to widen the lens and talk about sexuality, which is as deep as it is multifaceted. A holistic model I teach often to couples, individuals, and students is the five circles of sexuality developed by Dr. Dennis Dailey in 1981, which is still relevant. Note: In his original model he listed “biological gender” in the sexual identity circle. We now have a more nuanced and better understanding that gender is a social construct and sex is biological anatomy. Dailey’s work expanded the definition and understanding of sex at the time. No one benefits from a narrow definition – in fact, many are harmed by it – but we can bring our better understanding to his contributions and still see the insight of his work.

Exploring Sensate Focus

By:  Dr. Denise Renye on GoodTherapy.org

Try this exercise when you and your partner have about 30 to 40 minutes to spare, are relaxed, rested, and feeling care for each other. Nudity is ideal as this is a skin-to-skin practice, but it can also be practiced in loose-fitting clothing. Ideally, both partners are nude, showered, and free of jewelry and watches. As you engage, fully present, with one another, you’ll build intimacy with your partner on multiple levels.

Ways to Integrate the Whole Self After Psychedelic Exploration

By: Dr. Denise Renye on PsychCentral.com

For someone with trauma in their history, for instance sexual assault, using psychedelics may help them heal. However, in addition to addressing post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), psychedelics may also help with addiction and treatment-resistant depression as well as anxiety.

An important aspect to discuss is the integration process after a psychedelic journey, which offers a person the chance to experience communion with their internal landscape–or, other words, to reconnect with all of themselves.

I’m a big proponent of integrating the whole self and in fact, Whole Person Integration is the name of my practice. Without the integration piece, the psychedelic journey may be forgotten like an unrecorded dream.

Maximize Talk Therapy with Embodiment Techniques

By: Dr. Denise Renye on GoodTherapy.org

The mind and intellect have gotten many people far in their lives. As such, people can easily get out of touch with the body and its signals; they may forget the body has a lot of wisdom to offer.

In my work as a clinical psychologist, I see how it helps to blend the mind and body because it gives people more access to themselves. Sometimes with talk therapy, people can feel stifled because the psychospiritual element is missing.

Prior to the 17th century, people understood the mind and body are one, but then French philosopher René Descartes changed things when he popularized the idea the mind and body are distinct from one another.

A way to get back to oneness and engage in therapy in a more holistic way is to use embodiment techniques. As a yoga therapist certified through the International Association of Yoga Therapists (IAYT), I’m a proponent of yoga therapy.

How I Trained Myself to Have Multiple Orgasms

featuring  Dr. Denise Renye on DrHollyrichomond.com

“Because there is more surface area on a vulva and inside a vagina, there’s more ability for multiple orgasms,” says clinical psychologist and certified sexologist Denise Renye, Ph.D. “Once the first orgasm is enjoyed, switching up pressure and exact location [of stimulation] can allow for more orgasms to follow. For people with penises, there’s less availability for more than one orgasm in a pleasure session.”

“Multiple orgasms can be understood as each time the body builds up pleasure and builds up pleasure to then have a grand finale of pleasure,” says Dr. Renye. “Though the level of pleasure as an orgasm goes on may vary from person to person.”

Why We All Need to Be Spanked and Trip Right Now

featuring Dr. Denise Renye on Honeysucklemag.com

“Any given sexual experience has the ability to offer a space wherein the person or people engaging can step into a vast and deep world of discovery, transformation, and revelation, much like a psychedelic experience,” says Dr. Denise Renye, psychologist, sexologist, and psychedelic integrationist.

“Be mindful of set and setting. If your mindset feels off or intense, consider rescheduling. Discuss with your therapist and your partner(s). If your partner(s) are not understanding, this is good information as you want to be with people who respect your boundaries, needs, and desires. In terms of setting, be sure to set the scene in a way that is pleasant and conducive to what your intentions are,” Dr. Renye says.

In kink, aftercare refers to checking in on one another to make sure everyone feels good. It can involve putting ice on bruises, cuddling, or talking about the scene and what you’d like to do differently in the future. “Aftercare can be likened to the integration work that is integral in psychedelic experiences. The aftercare time is one wherein the intensity of what was just experienced can be assimilated and made use of psychologically, physically, spiritually and energetically. Deep healing and transformation is possible in this space,” Dr. Renye says.

Using Psychedelics to Heal from Sexual Trauma

with  Dr. Denise Renye in DoubleBlind Mag

"Using the psychedelic psilocybin and the empathogen MDMA can both create psychic spaces within individuals to gain a deeper sense of self,” says psychologist and sexologist Dr. Denise Renye. “MDMA can help an individual recollect a sexual assault without the PTSD symptoms of freeze, flight or flight. MDMA can also allow for the survivor to have a sense of empathy for their self that went through the assault, thus alleviating some of the self-judgement that sometimes accompanies it.”

“Integration is an ongoing process that may include meditation, conscious body movement, mindful walking in nature, and sound healing, Renye says. She also recommends keeping a journal after the journey, as it might be easy to forget the transformations that occurred.”

Are Some People Just Slapping the “Poly” Label on Their Cheating?

with  Dr. Denise Renye on Playboy.com

“Sometimes people get off on lying, that is their fetish,” says sex therapist Dr. Denise Renye. If you’re in an open relationship and wish to integrate secrecy into your sexual encounters, you can consensually negotiate that with your partner. “Most things are possible as long as consent is present. If the consent is not present, this completely clashes with the principles of ethical non-monogamy,” Dr. Renye says.

28 Sexual Fetishes That Are Way More Common Than You'd Think

"A fetish is typically referred to as behavior that someone cannot get sexually aroused without. Fetishes can also be a term people use to describe sexual arousal that is coupled with a typically non-sexual object," says sexologist and psychologist Denise Renye.

"Safety and comfort are the most important aspects of kink," says Renye

"Humiliation play is a consensual power exchange that is a very typical fetish. It can help people heal parts of the self that may have been bullied as a child. There's a sense of mastery over something that may have previously been non-consensual," says Renye.

"Age play is not pedophilia," reminds Renye. "It is consensual play. If someone is attracted to children, that is not age play."

"Kinks and fetishes are fertile grounds for misunderstandings if consent is not explicit," explains Renye.

The Best Ways for Each Zodiac Sign to Successful Form Healthy new Habits

“Habits help us feel grounded. It really is another word for ritual. And rituals can help us feel embodied and connected (to ourselves and others, even if they are far away, and the planet," says psychologist Denise Renye.

A Stoner’s guide to Meeting the Parents

Try a play straight from the Boomer handbook: Don’t talk about it, and don’t bring it up ever again! Pretend the issue doesn’t exist! They’ll love it, because that’s the language they were taught to speak. Ok, maybe not. But in all seriousness, especially if you use medical marijuana, it’s nobody’s damn business if you took your medicine or not.

“It’s not something that has to be talked about,” said Dr. Denise Renye, a psychologist and certified clinical sexologist. “So many people are on antidepressants, but nobody is going in saying, ‘I [took] my Zoloft today.’ There’s no need to announce it, and it’s really, honestly, nobody’s business.” 

Stoned Sex: Why Growing Weed Can Be Incredibly Therapeutic for Sexual Assault SurvivorS

“If survivors have the opportunity to get their hands into the earth, they have a better chance of remembering that they are not alone,” said Dr. Denise Renye, a renowned psychologist and sexologist. “It will hopefully remind them that they are part of something much greater than themselves, and that they are part of the Earth. It decreases isolation, allows for greater somatic awareness, embodiment, and provides a space for possibility.” 

What it’s like to have sex on Different kinds of psychedelics

“Feeling calm and clear headed prior and having open conversations is necessary,” says psychologist and certified psychedelic integrationist Dr. Denise Renye. “The setting is also key to having a deep and more conscious experience. Where the experience takes place can really influence levels of presence and can create the container and ambiance that could yield to a deeper experience both individually and together with the people involved.” 

So start low and go slow. “If the dose is too high, a sexual experience will most likely not even be possible,” says psychologist and certified psychedelic integrationist Dr. Denise Renye.

I Went on a Month-Long Quest to Achieve Multiple Orgasms

Usually I’m content with one orgasm. More than content. Thrilled! But I'd always heard of women who could climax multiple times and wondered whether I was missing something. Yes, I'd had more than one orgasm before, but it usually happened randomly and alone. I wanted to learn how to do it on command, damn it! And I’d heard there were techniques I could use to make that happen, so I consulted some experts. “Sexual-health medical doctors report that most, if not all, women can achieve multiple orgasms, from a biological standpoint,” says sex therapist Denise Renye, Psy.D..

“The bottom line is there is no wrong way to orgasm,” says Dr. Renye. “Having a goal in sex is not the point. The journey is where it's at.”

11 of the Most Common Sexual Fetishes

The term “fetish” may evoke images of black bodysuits and complicated sexual contraptions, but you may already be acting out some of the most common examples, such as spanking. What defines a fetish, though, isn't what the activity or object of desire is so much as the role it plays in someone's life. “A fetish is typically referred to as a behavior that someone cannot get sexually aroused without. Fetishes can also be a term people use to describe a sexual arousal that is coupled with a typically non-sexual object,” says sexologist and psychologist Denise Renye. BDSM is kinky, but not all kinks fall under the BDSM umbrella. Renye adds that people often have more than one kink or one fetish, and there is often overlap: For instance, someone may engage in spanking as part of a role-playing scenario in which one partner is dressed up as a schoolgirl and the other like a professor. In such an instance, the scenario would involve role play, impact play, and even age play.

As with any kink or fetish, it’s important to negotiate boundaries beforehand. “Safety and comfort are the most important aspects of kink,” Renye says. 

While physical actions, such as spanking, are often the most discussed kinks and fetishes, some of the most intense sexual play takes place in the mind. Renye refers to psychological power play as “mind control,” and it’s a type of BDSM.

 "Kinks and fetishes are fertile grounds for misunderstandings if consent is not explicit," Renye says.

Why You're Turned On By The Idea Of Your Partner Having Sex With Someone Else

However you feel about your partner having sex with someone else — whether you're terrified or turned on (or somewhere in between) — there are many people out there who get off on the thought of their S.O. getting it on with a third party. "This is something I've often heard talked about in the fantasy realm, and wanting to keep it in the fantasy realm," Dr. Renye says. "That being said,  some people do open their relationships to more embodied experiences of this. There's no wrong outlook, as long as there's consent and agreements on parameters."

How To Safely Fulfill Your Hot Gang Bang Fantasy

A gang bang is when multiple people have sex with one person at the same time or when they have sex with one person one right after the other. In heteronormative terms, it refers to a woman being penetrated by multiple men. A reverse gang bang is when one man has sex with multiple women. While gang bangs are a form of group sex, they differ from an orgy in that there's usually one point person. (To be clear: We're speaking of consensual group sex.)

"In porn, you let others do the dirty work, so to speak," says Denise Renye, PsyD, licensed psychologist and sexologist. "You can watch others play out what has only been alive in your wild imagination."

Women Share What They Think About When Waiting for Their Partners to Orgasm

During sex, tradition says you should be thinking about your partner: his passionate dirty talk, her lovely collarbone, the way they touch you in just the right way. But the mind often has other plans; you may find yourself reverting to sure-fire fantasies, like a nice consensual gangbang, to get you to the finish line. Or you have a massive deadline and the only person dominating your brain is your editor.

This third type of sex-thought is most common when you've already gotten off and are just out here waiting for the other person to hurry up so you can eat some nachos. Whether we're distracted, or just fading out a post-orgasm stupor until this sweaty body rolls off us, sometimes the mind wanders to strange places. To, say, our cats, or a terrific prank, or what it would be like if a clone version of ourselves could walk in and finish the job. When we asked Dr. Denise Renye, a sexologist and psychologist, if such intrusive thoughts are normal, she said: "Definitely. But I'd be hard pressed to say anything isn't normal regarding what comes up during sex."

The New-Age Kinksters Mixing BDSM with Energy Work

BDSM often includes violent sex (whippings can leave a mark), but some kinksters are adding "energy work" to their sexual routine. Energy work harnesses the world's "energy" to heal ailments. According to many new age people, energy inhabits the world. It's often known as "manna," Ki," "qi," or "chi." Mixing energy work with BDSM gives the fetish a spiritual element. "More and more partners are realizing the benefits of incorporating energy work practices in both their dynamics and their play, whether they consider the play to be sacred or not," says Dr. Denise Renye, a sexologist and psychologist.

The Kinky Sex "Trend" That You're Probably Already Doing

A new sex "trend," the art of "zen spanking," is currently circulating the internet, and it's being billed as the latest kink you have to try. The catch? If you enjoy even light spanking or are at all into BDSM, zen spanking isn't new. In fact, you're likely already doing it. The person who wants to be spanked gives their partner the power to spank them after consenting and discussing boundaries (how hard to hit and where). "BDSM is a consensual agreement between parties to engage in an exchange of power," says Denise Renye, PsyD, holistic psychologist and coach. "The mutual agreement to hold space in roles makes it an exchange, rather than an exploitation or manipulation." 

11 Signs of Emotional Abuse in Relationships

Emotional abuse is insidious: Not only does it take many forms, it can be difficult to recognize. According to Denise Renye, a certified sexologist and psychologist, emotional abuse "may be delivered as yelling, putting a partner down, commenting on a partner's body, deliberately not respecting a partner's boundaries, and saying one thing while doing something else entirely."

At first, abusers may seem like charismatic and charming people, waiting until they and their partner have hit a milestone such as moving in together before they show their true colors. Renye points out that abusers also often manipulate their partners into thinking abusive behavior is romantic. Their behavior may be a product of unchecked jealousy, "something that abusers often feel is justified and conveys a sign that they 'really love' their partner," Renye says. "However, it is a form of control if the abuser cannot contain and internally deal with his or her own feelings."

"The abusive partner can appear to be very calm, cool, and collected when others are around, but then turn into a Mr. Hyde behind closed doors," Renye says. It's one thing for your partner to be annoyed that you accidentally bought expired milk; it's entirely different for them to scream at you because of it. That's not passionate, it's abusive.

You get to wear and look how you want. End of story. "Criticizing a partner's clothing or body is something that an abuser may chalk up to a form of 'protecting' the partner or the relationship," Renye says. "They may say something like, 'I don't want you to get unwanted attention' or 'I don't want anyone looking at my lady (or man) like that.'" Partners in healthy relationships will tell you when you have lipstick on your teeth, but they won't try to cover you up.

 "Oftentimes, abusers say that they are doing the abuse, which they do not consider abuse, for the 'good of the relationship,' or that it's 'romantic,'" Renye says.

An abuser may speak to you like they know better than you and have your best interest in mind. "It may be constant or infrequent, but the bottom line is that you feel off-center and downright crazy. Many of my clients describe it as a constant questioning of their [knowledge] and an undermining of their own intuition," Renye says of gaslighting. 

Podship:Earth -Distracted

We are truly living in the age of distraction. Drivers are six times more likely to crash from distraction than from driving drunk in California. Distraction is a factor in 80 percent of car crashes. On public transit, reasonably no one noticed a man openly holding a gun for 10 minutes, which he used to kill a passenger because they were also distracted playing candy crush and checking Facebook…

Stoned Sex: Can You Date Someone Who Doesn’t Smoke Weed?

According to psychologist and sexologist Dr. Denise Renye, it all comes down to respect. “If people have allowance for the other person to be themselves, in substance use and beyond, then the relationship can be successful,” Dr. Renye said. “But once judgments and expectations enter the scene, it’s really an issue for both parties. The relationship tends to be less fun and more about nitpicking and trying to control the other.”

In addition to shared activities (and orgasms), two 420-friendly singles may share a similar world viewpoint. Cannabis is a plant that encourages expansion of the mind, and facilitates creativity. And it has a massive impact upon people who use it. “It may get into different levels of open-mindedness and fluidity in the world,” Dr. Renye said. “So it may even speak to something bigger than, 'I like to smoke a bowl and you don’t.'”