Gone are the days when marriage meant being with someone solely for the sake of fulfilling societal expectations or securing financial stability. Now people seek partners who offer emotional availability, understanding, and support. They desire relationships built on mutual respect, shared values, and a sense of partnership. They want companions who enhance their lives and share their journeys. People want a partner who listens with empathy, communicates openly, and demonstrates emotional maturity. It’s part of the reason I’ve seen an uptick in requests for premarital counseling – modern couples recognize marriage takes effort and they want to enter their marriage with as many tools in their toolbox as possible.
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Our society places a premium on achieving orgasm as the pinnacle of sexual satisfaction so it's easy to lose sight of the many other forms of pleasure that can be found along the way. While orgasms can certainly be a pleasurable and fulfilling part of sex for many people, they are by no means the sole measure of sexual satisfaction, especially when you factor in the issues surrounding orgasms.
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The inner critic is born from unprocessed childhood trauma. If you dig deeper, you’ll likely find the inner critic voice is eerily similar to a parent or guardian, either in words you heard or interpretations through actions they showed. We often internalize those voices and messages that whisper tales of inadequacy and unworthiness. There may have been neglect, rejection, or emotional abuse in childhood and so to deal with the pain, often an inner critic arises that repeats these negative messages in an effort to wound yourself before anyone else has the chance to wound you. On the other hand, the inner critic may say, “If only you did things the right way, everything would be fine.”
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The internet, and people in general, like to speak in absolutes about what people should do. But in my work as a sex therapist, I give space for my clients to figure out what is best for them, whether that’s ending the relationship with the emotionally unavailable person or supporting them as they navigate staying together. However, there are some general guidelines for healing.
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Foreplay, broken down, means an act that occurs prior to some sort of fun or play. The fun, in this case, is assumed to be intercourse. It assumes the fun has not already begun. But if looks and energy are being exchanged and consensual touching is resulting in pleasure, I hold the stance that the fun has certainly gotten underway. Also, foreplay is heteronormative, which probably isn’t a surprise given the role it plays in Wetzel’s study.
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Vibrators can contribute to stress relief, relaxation, and enhanced blood flow, potentially leading to better sexual health. For some people, a vibrator can also help with pain relief, particularly for menstrual cramps or pelvic discomfort. And for people who want to use a vibrator for more than masturbation, it can promote intimacy and communication with a partner. As a Marin County sex therapist, I work with couples around communication and sometimes even how sexual expression could include toys.
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Tantra is a holistic spiritual tradition that explores various practices and philosophies aimed at achieving spiritual awakening and unity with the divine. While it includes aspects related to sexuality in some of its branches, tantra is a much broader and more diverse tradition, encompassing a wide range of practices and beliefs that extend beyond the sexual aspect.
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Marriage and family therapy and psychology are both invaluable fields in the mental health arena, each offering a unique set of skills and approaches. The choice between these professions depends on the specific needs of the individual or family seeking help.
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Constant phone use, including scrolling through social media, texting, or even playing mobile games, can lead to a lack of genuine emotional connection. Partners may struggle to engage in meaningful conversations and share their thoughts, dreams, and concerns when one or both individuals are constantly distracted by their devices. The emotional connection that once held the couple together may begin to erode and they may drift further apart.
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The absence of the divine feminine in Western medicine is a pressing issue that deserves careful consideration. Addressing the demanding work hours, prioritizing the well-being of healthcare providers, and respecting the inner being of medical students are crucial steps toward creating a more holistic and compassionate healthcare system. By acknowledging the toxic elements of the patriarchy that have seeped into medicine and embracing the qualities of the divine feminine, we can move toward a more balanced and nurturing approach to healthcare—one that values both the health of the provider and the well-being of the patient.
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The divine feminine is also a symbol of empowerment and trust. Doulas and midwives empower birthing individuals by providing them with knowledge and information about the birthing process, allowing them to make informed choices about their bodies and their babies. In a world where medical interventions often dominate the birthing experience, these caregivers advocate for the autonomy and agency of birthing individuals, helping them reclaim their innate power to give birth.
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One of the most pervasive ways in which the patriarchy fuels envy among women is through the imposition of unattainable beauty standards. The media and advertising industries often present a narrow and idealized image of beauty, leading women to feel envious of those who seemingly conform to these standards. Envy arises when women perceive themselves as falling short, either in terms of physical appearance or the resources required to achieve it, such as access to expensive beauty products or cosmetic procedures.
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Body worship is a form of sexual play where one partner lavishes praise, attention, and sensual affection upon the other partner's body. It is a practice rooted in the idea that the human body is a work of art, worthy of admiration and celebration. This form of sexual expression transcends the boundaries of societal norms and allows individuals to explore their desires, connect on a deeper level, and foster a sense of intimacy that goes beyond the physical.
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For demisexual individuals, navigating the complexities of dating and relationships can be both rewarding and challenging. The emphasis on emotional connection often means that they invest significant time and energy into getting to know someone on a deep level before any sort of sexual attraction can manifest. This can lead to more profound and meaningful relationships as the foundation is built upon a strong emotional bond. However, it might also result in feelings of disconnect or isolation in a society that frequently prioritizes instant physical or sexual connections.
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Learning you perpetuate misogyny may stir up some emotions but please don’t let this be something else you beat yourself up about. It’s not your fault. Our society operates with a hatred of women and has operated with this hatred for centuries. It’s hard not to be affected by it. However, by even acknowledging it’s there, you’re working to unravel the cultural hex that seems to have been placed upon us all and you’re contributing to the rising divine feminine. Doing so results in a better world for us all.
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“What did you do all day while I was working?” It’s a question that stay-at-home parents are regularly asked because the work they do goes unrecognized. Historically, it’s cis-gendered men in heterosexual relationships asking that question of their female partners but not exclusively. People ask that question because the work of the person who stays at home is invisible. The phrase “invisible work” was coined by sociologist Arlene Kaplan Daniels in 1987. She argued what we consider “work” when we think of the term takes place in the public sphere and has financial recompense. That means a whole swathe of work goes unrecognized.
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Integrating psychedelic experiences into your exploration of your sexual self can be a powerful catalyst for understanding, acceptance, and growth. By creating a safe and supportive environment, questioning societal conditioning, embracing heightened sensations and emotions, and seeking professional support, you can embark on a transformative journey towards a deeper understanding of your authentic sexual self. Remember, each individual's journey is unique, so approach the process with an open mind, curiosity, and self-compassion.
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Psychedelics have the potential to profoundly impact one's understanding of their sexuality and sexual expression. By heightening sensations, dissolving boundaries, fostering self-reflection, facilitating healing, and nurturing spiritual connections, these substances can pave the way for a more authentic and fulfilling sexual self.
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Yet similar to partnered sex, there are different kinds of masturbation. Sometimes you may prefer a quickie. Other times you may want something slow and sensual. In addition to the time element, there’s rougher masturbation, gentler masturbation. There’s playing with edging, which means stopping stimulation before orgasming, waiting about 30 seconds, and then stimulating yourself again, waiting, stimulating, etc. until you’re ready to orgasm. This can result in a deeper and more intense orgasm.
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