The orgasm gap is what it sounds like – when engaging in sexual activities that result in an orgasm, one individual or group consistently achieves an orgasm more than another. One study found the breakdown is like so:

·      95% of heterosexual men experience orgasm during intercourse

·      89% of gay men

·      88% of bisexual men

·      86% of lesbians

·      66% of bisexual women

·      65% of straight women

Many people deal with wanting to put off tasks that are hard, physically and emotionally. Perhaps you are at a job that you don’t really enjoy but stay because it’s financially advantageous. If you find yourself putting tasks off until tomorrow (or the next day…or the next day) and you have had traumatic events or relationships in your life, it may be hard to discern if the avoidance of a task is procrastination or a trauma response. Both trauma response of freeze and procrastination can involve avoidance behavior, but they have different underlying causes and motivations.

As a trauma-informed practice, we work with many folx who have experienced trauma. Sometimes this may result in a diagnosis of PTSD. This can feel very stigmatizing for some patients, while others feel freed by finally having a name for what is happening within them. Yet others may feel all sort of things in between. We hear PTSD on the regular these days. But what exactly is it?

The common response to, “I’m so nervous about this date/job interview/meeting,” is, “Don’t be nervous. I’m sure you’ll be fine.” Does hearing that actually work? Does someone saying, “Don’t be nervous,” stop you from feeling nervous? Probably not. In fact, sometimes it exacerbates it. Sharing our fears with friends often doesn’t result in the anxiety dissipating. It’s through no fault of their own, rather they aren’t trained to handle anxiety. But there’s good news…therapists are!

Because bodies don’t come with instruction manuals, how the heck are you supposed to know what yours wants?!? Simple: You ask. It may seem like a foreign concept to talk to your body, but the body is ready and waiting for you to talk with it, to consult it. After all, it is an integral part of you. And, it is already communicating with you, even if you aren’t sure how to interpret its messages. Listening to the body, from the inside, and learning what it needs and wants is a skill that takes practice.

All the back and forth is putting people into turmoil. The backtracking behavior of “loans will be forgiven, oh wait, no they won’t” is intermittent conditioning and causes emotional instability. Also known as intermittent reinforcement, intermittent conditioning is emotional manipulation and abuse. There are occasional and sudden displays of reward-giving instances (such as a loan being forgiven) that are then taken away.

Dreamwork has long been a part of the practice of certain schools and practices of psychotherapy. Dreams can give a direct access to the psyche and allows an individual to more deeply step into the varied hallways of their unconscious. Since Whole Person Integration bridges the psychological and spiritual human experience, its imperative to explore this topic through a multifaceted lens.

The big difference with spirituality is it’s not based on hierarchy. There’s no barrier between you and a spiritual figure or force. Instead of a middle person or religious leader telling you what to think or do, there’s direct access. With spirituality, there may be certain rituals (lighting a candle, playing certain music, etc.) but there also may not be. It’s up to you what you do and what you don’t do.

Psychologist Dorothy Tennov first described the term in 1979 in her book Love and Limerence: The Experience of Being in Love. Limerence is less grounded than love because it involves a heck of a lot of projection and fantasy. Instead of seeing the other person for who they are, flaws and all, someone in the throes of limerence will ignore red flags because “love conquers all.” They may imagine activities and outings with the other person, how they’ll dress, what they’ll say because at this point, the other person is still a mystery.  

Life after a divorce can be challenging, but it's important to focus on self-care, build a strong support system, set realistic goals, establish a new routine, let go of resentment, and take things slowly. By taking these steps, you can begin to rebuild your life and find happiness once again.

Working with a skilled therapist can be key in helping to heal the heartbreak that can accompany divorce. There are support groups also, to connect with others who are going through similar experiences.

Men regularly receive immense amounts of praise for basic acts of parenting – changing a diaper, bringing their kid to the park, etc. People ooh and ahh when they see a dad doing these things but don’t bat an eyelash when they see a mom doing the same thing.

If you are interested in joining a clinical consultation group, you can ask for referrals from colleagues or professional organizations, or search online for groups in your area. Many groups are offered through local mental health organizations, private practice clinicians, professional associations, or online platforms. It's important to find a group that is a good fit for your needs and interests, and that provides a supportive and collaborative environment for learning and growth. At Whole Person Integration, we provide clinical consultation for psychologists and psychotherapists who are seeking to enrich their practices and offerings to patients.

Sleeping separately helps everyone get a better night’s sleep because they don’t have to contend with snoring, blanket-hogging, or different sleep schedules.

Sex…it’s something that is typically part of a romantic partnership or marriage and it’s wise to have a conversation about it from the beginning of a connection. People may be asexual, pansexual, have a high interest in sex, have kinky desires, prefer a vanilla scene, or anything in between. But there is a prevalent and under-talked about sexual concern in some relationships.

These non-apologies essentially blame the other person for feeling upset or hurt. There isn’t acknowledgment on the part of the person who did the hurting so they aren’t real apologies. That’s the key, acknowledgment of one’s own actions. The non-apologies are defensive statements that endeavor to get the person who is doing the apologizing “off the hook.” The statements don’t take responsibility for the person’s actions so they aren’t real apologies.

We human beings are complex and often, unconsciously and creatively, employ various strategies to avoid pain: primarily addictions and bypassing. Spiritual bypassing is sidestepping or avoiding facing unresolved emotional issues, psychological wounds, and unfinished developmental tasks but talking the talk of an individual who is more “spiritually evolved.”

The medical profession is becoming increasingly interested in using psychedelics for deeper healing and given the resurgence in the West (note that using psychedelics for healing has been practiced indigenously for millennia), it’s no wonder people from all backgrounds, including those in recovery from addiction, are curious whether psychedelics can help them.

You can communicate with your inner child(ren) as much as you’d like, and as with anything, as long as it doesn’t interfere with other areas of your life. Your active imagination can take you far. Where do you want to go?

Not that long ago, cross-dressing was the brunt of many jokes. It was considered the height of hilarity to put a man in a dress and heels or a woman in a too-large man’s suit. Some younger people who may be reading this might have a hard time fathoming such a reality, depending on your social circle and location.

Perfectionism is an attempt to hold onto the illusion of control. It’s a creation of the mind to give a sense of power to a situation or environment where helplessness may abound. When the environment is chaotic, the mind wants to create control from within. One way of doing that is to begin a practice of self-discipline and buy into the idea that perfection exists and that you can embody it in this world (you simply cannot). Inner child work can be healing for perfectionism.