How to Heal After Divorce

by Dr. Denise Renye

Divorce is one of the top-five most stressful life events a person can experience. It’s an emotionally challenging experience that can leave you feeling lost, overwhelmed, and unsure about what the future holds. We at Whole Person Integration understand that as we work with individuals and couples of all sorts. Some couples are in traditional relationships, others, nontraditional relationships. And sometimes, unfortunately, relationships end, whether that’s the end of a  marriage or a breakup.

For people looking to heal after divorce, moving forward can feel difficult because it may feel like your whole life has upended. What was once stable and secure is no more. We get it, but you can heal after divorce if you  take the necessary steps to rebuild your life. You can find happiness once again. What follows are some tips on how to handle life after a divorce.

Give Yourself Time to Heal

The first step in handling life after a divorce is to give yourself time to heal. As mentioned, divorce is one of the most stressful things a person can undergo. It can take a toll on your mental and emotional well-being. In other words, it may take more than a day to feel OK again! Respect that healing is nonlinear and allow yourself to feel your emotions and process what you’re thinking and feeling. There may be a lot to unpack. Seek the support of family, friends, or a therapist to help you cope with the emotional aftermath of divorce.

Focus on Self-Care

Divorce can leave you feeling depleted and drained so it's important to take extra gentle care of yourself physically and emotionally during this time. Self-care activities include exercise, breathwork, meditation, yoga, or other stress-reducing activities such as journaling. On top of that, make sure to get plenty of rest, eat a healthy diet, and take time for yourself to do things you enjoy.

Build a Support System

Having a strong support system can be vital during and after a divorce. Surround yourself with people who care about you and can provide you with emotional support. You may also find that joining a support group could be beneficial. Talking to others who have been through similar experiences can help you feel less alone and provide you with valuable advice. Also, reach out to friends and family or seek the help of a therapist or counselor. Mental health professionals are trained to handle healing from a divorce and can offer an outside perspective.

Set Realistic Goals

After a divorce, it's important to set realistic goals for yourself to re-anchor you to your life. Think about what you want to accomplish and break those goals down into achievable steps. Whether it's going back to school, starting a new career, or finding a new hobby, setting goals for yourself can help you feel a sense of purpose and direction after feeling unmoored by a divorce.

Create a New Routine

Creating a new routine can be a helpful way to navigate life after divorce because it empowers you to adjust to your new lifestyle. A new routine can also provide a sense of structure and stability when feel likes unmanageable. Make a schedule for your daily activities, including work, exercise, and time for self-care. Set a timer on your phone or use other reminders to keep yourself on track. And if forget and don’t follow your schedule, that’s fine! Remember you are rebuilding your life and that takes time. This is a marathon, not a sprint.

Let Go of Resentment

Holding onto resentment and anger can prevent you from moving forward after a divorce. It's important to let go of any negative emotions and focus on the future. Forgiveness can be a powerful tool for healing and can help you let go of any anger or bitterness. Talking with a trained professional can help you experience forgiveness if you’re feeling stuck.

Take Things Slowly

Finally, it's important to take things slowly as you navigate life after a divorce. Don't rush into any major decisions or relationships until you feel ready. While it may be tempting to use dating as a way to avoid the deep pain that you may be experiencing, avoiding facing that pain may lead to long-term challenges both interpersonally and intrapersonally. Instead, give yourself time to heal and focus on rebuilding your life at your own pace, without the distraction of a new romantic partner.

Life after a divorce can be challenging, but it's important to focus on self-care, building a strong support system, setting realistic goals, establishing a new routine, letting go of resentment, and taking things slowly. By following these steps, you can begin to rebuild your life and find happiness once again. Here at Whole Person Integration, we’ll be rooting for you.

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