Some folx grew up too soon and were forced to be adults before they were ready. This happens for a variety of reasons and one of those reasons is covert incest, also known as enmeshment. Enmeshment occurs when a parent or caregiver looks to their child for emotional support and psychological validation. In other words, there aren’t strong boundaries within the family. And those strong boundaries are necessary for the safety of the child. They are also necessary for the safety of the parent’s psyche but the child’s psyche is really negatively affected.

Why is inner child play a way to heal from trauma? Because every time something substantial or traumatic took place in your life, it was registered within and inner child play is one avenue of healing, if you wish to engage with it.

For someone in that situation, it may feel confusing or even like gaslighting. Generally, people want healthy, functional, emotionally regulated parents. There’s grief when that’s not present and why focusing on reparenting yourself can be so healing. To see the sort of parenting you wish you could have received given to your kids, but not to you, can bring up numerous feelings.

Don’t let art and social media bully you into feeling something that’s not authentic. Remember, this is a time of year for hibernating and going inward. It’s not only the winter solstice itself that brings up the sentiment, it’s also the days leading up to the solstice and the ones after it. We are in the midst of that time. Yes, it’s the holidays, but it’s also winter.

We can honor the rhythm of winter by withdrawing from the world in ways that feel right. They may feel unfamiliar because we are so conditioned to lean in and be a part of what’s around us instead. Maybe it means staying home more or taking solo walks. Slowing down can feel incredibly challenging because the regular busyness of life often distracts from the feelings inside. If we’re rushing around, it’s harder to notice the body’s cues or to become curious about lingering emotions. Instead, we’re too caught up in our to-do lists to notice what’s happening internally.

Fawning looks like codependence. It’s putting someone else’s needs above your own. It’s struggling to say “no” and saying “yes” when you don’t want to. Your orientation is toward other people instead of yourself, “What will make them happy?” not “What will make me happy?” It’s making yourself responsible for other people’s actions and reactions: “I must have done something wrong. If only I’d done XYZ, they wouldn’t be angry/withdrawn/upset, etc.”

When you practice acceptance, you’re no longer focusing outward. You’re no longer trying to change, fix, or control other people and situations so you can feel happy, fulfilled, peaceful, or whatever it is you think will happen if only they did XYZ or if ABC looked different. Instead, you’re keeping the focus on yourself and asking what you can do right now, given these circumstances and these people, to feel the way you want to feel.

Over and over again, the patriarchy tries to disenfranchise women and other minorities. Who the minority groups are varies from country to country, but regardless, those in power wish to remain in power and as we’re seeing, they’ll do anything to stay in that position. Including detaining thousands of protestors and executing those who dare to defy their authority.

To stay sane during the holidays, I encourage my patients, clients, and students to continue the practices they have at other times of the year: breathwork, somatic work, yoga nidra, freewriting, getting outside, etc. It may feel tempting to let these practices fall by the wayside, but in times of stress, you need them more. Make sure you prioritize you because you are the most important relationship you’ll ever have.

Witches, of today and yesteryear, accept all parts of themselves, which promotes psychological healing for us all. There is a depth of healing that can occur when individual work is done that enacts not only on their own psyche but also heals collective trauma. When intergenerational and collective trauma are more richly understood and focused upon, deeper layers of healing can occur.

In other words, being a teenager may not have been the idyllic time you remember it being. If you find yourself wishing you could go back to high school, that could be a symptom of something else. Maybe you’re longing for certain qualities you’re not experiencing as an adult. Maybe you want more play and creativity. Or perhaps you’re feeling stressed and overwhelmed by “adulting” and could use a playdate with your inner children. It could also be that you’re lonely and want more time with your friends.

Some people may go along with something sexual in order to people please, to make sure the other person doesn’t get angry with them, feel disappointed, become upset or whatever it is they’re afraid will happen. The person is “fawning” and not engaging in the sexual activity because it’s pleasing or pleasurable to them, rather, they’re doing it for the other person.

When people use terms other than sex worker, they diminish that sex work is actually work. Either that or they try to keep sex work in the shadows, pretend it doesn’t exist, or somehow turn it into something it’s not. Leigh understood that and she became one of the leading advocates for sex workers in the Bay Area campaigning both as herself and her stage persona the Scarlot Harlot. For instance, she helped dancers at a San Francisco club, Lusty Lady, bargain for their first labor contract in 1997.

What people often forget is it’s hard being a child; there are numerous milestones kids go through before they’re 5 years old. They learn gross motor skills like rolling over and crawling, which is a very big deal. They are going from being immobile, dependent on those around them to do everything, to learning and becoming more independent somatically.

In the hypersexualized culture of the U.S., asexuality is not discussed much but it still exists. Around 1% of the population, perhaps more, are asexual (or “aces”) according to the Asexual Visibility and Education Network. Asexuality is not celibacy. Celibacy is a choice to abstain from sexual activity whereas asexuality is a sexual orientation intrinsic to the person, similar to other sexual orientations. Asexuality is also not abstinence, a phase, an inability to find a partner, or evidence of sexual dysfunction. It’s an inherent way of being.

By looking within and doing inner child exploration, you may become curious about sexuality, sexual needs, and what is pleasurable for you, which are all important and essential to a healthy and thriving sexual self. Why does this happen? As I mentioned in my previous post, creativity and sexuality are two sides of the same coin.

Your creative, and thus sexual, energy is life-sustaining. It’s an expression that is unleashed and followed. Your creative expression is an energy that can be surrendered to and followed. It is the flow of life. The flow of life can be blocked for numerous reasons – primarily trauma, but also social conditioning. Inner child play can unblock that flow and transform your whole person.

Ways to access the shadow are by exploring where you are in the greatest pain, where or when you feel deep shame, and if you have low self-worth in a particular area or in general. The more you bring this part of the psyche out of your unconscious awareness and into the light of consciousness, the less you'll judge others (and yourself).

The shadow is what you don’t want to see the “light of day.” It’s the traits you’d rather keep hidden away. It’s things or traits you perhaps feel ashamed about or embarrassed by.

Perhaps you’ve come across something commonly known as an inner critic or your shadow, or maybe you’ve stumbled upon your inner child or inner teenager. Believing you have an inner world is the first step in the journey of delving deep within this vast landscape. Being gentle with this process is not only important, but …