What is the Shadow in Psychology?
By: Dr. Denise Renye
When we each walk down the street on a sunny day, somewhere very nearby, there’s a shadow cast onto the sidewalk next to us. It’s shaped like us. It moves exactly how we move. However, the shadow, while having aspects of our likeness in it, is not us. This visual can help with another type of shadow, the psychological one. You might have heard people talking about the “shadow” or engaging in “shadow work,” but what exactly is it? And what happens if you do this sort of work of recognizing and integrating the shadow?
The term “shadow” in the psychological sense comes from famed psychologist Carl Jung who said people have different parts of themselves or aspects of their psyche. One of those aspects is the shadow. The shadow is what you don’t want to see the “light of day.” It’s the traits you’d rather keep hidden away. It’s things or traits you perhaps feel ashamed about or embarrassed by.
Many times the shadow is first discovered in a more indirect type of way. There may be behavior(s) that don’t align with who you know yourself to be or think of yourself to be. If you binge on ice cream after everyone goes to sleep because you don’t want them to know you’re eating it, that’s the shadow. There is often a hiding, or attempt to keep something in the shadows, that comes along with this type of exploration. In this example, the ice cream eating is the shadow behavior but there are many layers to what may be underlying binging.
The shadow is the part of your personality that has been relocated from the conscious mind to the unconscious mind. This happens because the shadow self is not congruent with the way the ego wants itself to be seen by both the conscious mind and other people. The shadow self wants to push away certain traits, to disown them, and say, “That’s not me.” It can also be the deep fear of experiencing a situation, such as being criticized.
If you were told frequently as a child, “You’re no good,” or “What’s wrong with you?” you might cringe at the idea of making a mistake. And when you do make a mistake, because you will as all of us humans do, you may perpetuate the negative messages you heard growing up by repeating them to yourself. It’s natural for anyone to take those introjected messages and believe them before doing inner work. You might ask yourself, “What’s wrong with me?” just like you heard from parents or caregivers when you were a child.
People tend to repress their shadow selves because it is very vulnerable. It doesn’t feel safe to expose or bring out of hiding. They’d rather tuck the shadow self away, keep it “safe” in a little vault of denial, by pretending everything is fine. However, doing so has consequences that often bubble up as symptoms such as self-loathing, self-deceit or deceiving others, anxiety, addiction, depression, offensive behavior, self-sabotage, or an inflated ego.
A sturdy and firmly in tact shadow can cause immense shame within. And attempting to repress the shadow also tends to turn into a projection onto other people, places, things, and situations. Have you heard the expression, “What you don’t like in others is often what you don’t like about yourself?” And as Oprah popularized: “You spot it, you got it.” For instance, if you don’t like loud people, you yourself may speak at high volumes.
The shadow is an emotional blind spot that may show itself in interpersonal relationships, especially during disagreements and when challenging feelings come up within. That could mean feeling “triggered,” or having an emotional reaction that may not match the situation. If you flip out when someone points out you made a mistake, that could be the “you’re no good” voice making an appearance because you try so hard to be perfect, to demonstrate you are good.
In essence, when people make a comment that threatens how you like to be seen, that can feel threatening to your identity and safety. That sort of threat can manifest as screaming at your partner for suggesting you read a self-help book or constantly saying, “I’m not that sort of guy” when someone points out you’re unreliable.
Everyone has a shadow. It’s a normal part of being alive as a result of trauma and wounding. No person is inoculated from wounding in this lifetime and experiencing trauma is common, unfortunately. To engage in shadow work is to unravel the defenses that keep us (our psyche) safe from the pain of both the initial trauma and wounding as well as the pain that surfaces each time there is a trigger. It means developing self-awareness, self-acceptance, and self-compassion.
Engaging with shadow work, be it with a therapist or on your own, may result in liveliness and feeling more integrated, authentic, and whole. It means no longer saying, “This part people can see, but other parts must remain hidden.” Doing so, you may increase your feelings of self-esteem and self-confidence because you recognize what you’re capable of and what you’re not.
Integrating the shadow may also result in a better relationship with yourself and others. This is related to befriending the inner children because as you make space for the tender, vulnerable ones that reside inside, you have more capacity to relate with those aspects in other people. The more you tune into the inner child, and the shadow self, the more likely it is you’ll have increased compassion and acceptance for others. Stay tuned for the next post, which will cover a shadow work exercise involving the inner children.
Journal Prompts:
1-Towards whom or what do I feel jealousy or envy?
2-What scenario causes me shame or embarrassment?
3-How/where do I notice myself judging others or situations?
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