Healing is Not Linear
By: Dr. Denise Renye
When it comes to healing, often people want a quick fix. They turn to psychiatric drugs or psychedelics and think they’ll be “all better” in a week or two. They think the psychological issues that have plagued them for years will suddenly vanish overnight. This is not to disparage either psychiatric drugs or psychedelics because both are powerful tools. Rather, it’s the “quick fix” mentality that I take issue with.
Deep healing and lasting transformation require commitment and investment in oneself. It’s not something you do once and then you’re done. Healing is often slow and gradual. And given the fast-paced culture in which we live, this can be frustrating. Not only that, the healing path is filled with twists and turns rather than operating as a straight line. An example of both of these principles can be seen in a person who chooses the 12-step route as a part of their healing process.
Someone on the outside looking in may wonder why the person keeps attending 12-step meetings. If they haven’t had a drink in X amount of time, what’s the point? Do they need to keep going to meetings? Aren’t they cured, as shown by the length of time they’ve been sober? Well, no. The person may currently be sober, but that doesn’t mean they’ve “graduated” from their addiction. The healing path from, or as I like to say through, an addiction is something that is akin to a spiritual path.
It's not uncommon for a person to lose their sobriety or become close to losing their sobriety due to certain stressors – even after many years in recovery. There are advances on the path, side steps that may look like relapses or lapses in judgment, and then advances once more. These lapses and relapses provide the opportunity to learn deeper lessons, much like in a spiritual practice. The zigs and zags are all a part of the healing journey and a great visual for this is the labyrinth. Unlike in a maze, there are no dead ends, no wrong choices in a labyrinth. Instead, with time and persistence, every person who chooses to continue will eventually reach the center of the labyrinth.
Healing is like that – with persistence and commitment, you may potentially reach your goal, but not in a direct, linear fashion. Similarly, you may think you’ve already traversed certain healing terrain but you’re coming at an issue from a slightly different perspective. Carl Jung speaks to this when he says, “Psychologically you develop in a spiral; you always come over the same point where you have been before, but it is never exactly the same – it is either above or below.”
Often, the folx I work with will say something along the lines of, “I can’t believe I’m talking about this again. I thought I was over this.” And it’s true, they have already done inner work on whatever issue has resurfaced, but now they’re approaching the issue with a different lens. They have more information each go around on the spiral of healing. Maybe they’ve learned what triggers them and why. Or maybe like the alcoholic who has started drinking again, they’ve relapsed and are now in a worse emotional and psychological place than before.
Both are possible and that is why I emphasize in my practice that healing is not linear. It doesn’t follow an orderly direction and rarely makes logical sense, yet most people want everything to make logical sense! Instead, the path is a mystery until you look back and potentially are given clarity as to the circuitous route healing took. One thing led to another and while at the time the events seemed strange, in retrospect, you may see a profound and brilliant web of connectivity that makes perfect sense.
Healing is also not swift, despite the numerous people in the world trying to tell you otherwise with their quick-fix products and programs. Awareness of an issue is one thing – something afforded by the use of psychedelics, for instance – but integration is another. To truly heal from an attachment wound, family trauma, abuse, or whatever the case may be, takes time. And the healing journey likely won’t go as you have planned. There is an element of surrender to whatever arises. To have more ease with the process, go ahead and recognize it also won’t be linear.
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