Embracing Cronehood, Healing the Trauma of the Patriarchy

By: Dr. Denise Renye

Last week I wrote about getting your Crone on and I received feedback that prior to reading my blog, the word Crone itself had a connotation of “bad” or “dirty.” Why is it that this badass, beautiful, blossoming phase of life would be synonymous with a four-letter word?

I touched on it last week in a quote by Barbara Walker who wrote in her book The Crone that, “It was the medieval metamorphosis of the wise woman into the witch that changed the word Crone from a compliment to an insult and established the stereotype of malevolent old womanhood that continues to haunt elder women today.” And don’t even get me started on the wretched history of the word witch!

In essence, it comes down to patriarchal trauma. Patriarchal trauma is the complex, multifold injury -- psychological, social, emotional, spiritual, financial, and physical -- associated with living under patriarchy, meaning the oppression and denigration of all things feminine that do not directly or indirectly cater to the traditional masculine. Patriarchal trauma is any and all ways women, feminine expression and understanding, and the prioritization of relationality are told they’re “less than,” not allowed to be, or exist in this world even! Fear, judgment, belittling, and downright violence constitutes patriarchal trauma. They are the bones of this disease that permeates the fibers of most societies around the globe. They are the foundational aspects of capitalism and the corporate world.

To be clear, patriarchal trauma affects everyone across the gender/sex continuum – self-identified men and women because if you think about, it’s not only women themselves who are disparaged, it’s also qualities society designates as feminine.

Patriarchy dictates not only that women are inferior, but also that men cannot truly be themselves, especially if that means acting as caring, vulnerable, and soft individuals. And traditional society continues to not know how to handle or what to even do with transfolx. Patriarchal trauma also ensures that women with vulvas are considered obsolete after a certain age (typically the few years preparing and entering into Cronehood) because they’re no longer viewed as sexually desirable, as though they were mere objects for gazing upon and producing offspring for men and society at large. In order to really highlight this point, I am linking to this blunt and somewhat exaggerated Amy Schumer  sketch about this.

Traditionally, men do not contend with this issue. They are revered in roles in television and movies well into their elder years, seen as sages or silver foxes. What does that mean for crones? They’re cast aside and if they’re too vocal to be cast aside, they’re considered bitches.

A perfect example of this is what happened to Dr. Jill Biden. Back in December, Joseph Epstein wrote an opinion piece in the Wall Street Journal displaying his contempt for women, and in particular Dr. Biden, who you’ll notice is a Crone. He said:

“‘Dr. Jill Biden’ sounds and feels fraudulent, not to say a touch comic. Your degree is, I believe, an Ed.D., a doctor of education, earned at the University of Delaware through a dissertation with the unpromising title Student Retention at the Community College Level: Meeting Students’ Needs. A wise man once said that no one should call himself ‘Dr.’ unless he has delivered a child. Think about it, Dr. Jill, and forthwith drop the doc.”

First of all, Dr. Biden delivered multiple children -- as a mother. Second of all, as someone who invested an immense number of resources -- energy, time, and money -- earning a doctorate, I find Epstein’s commentary to be disgraceful and a perfect example of patriarchal trauma. It’s wrought with entitlement and toxicity. He is an embarrassment and a disgrace. The last name itself seems to carry the curse of the patriarchal trauma. Blech!

Epstein is a white dinosaur, an octogenarian. His entitlement to publish such a piece speaks to the patriarchal inheritance we all live in and have suffered under. This specific sort of contempt and inferiority-complex expression goes back more than a hundred years. Anya Jabour writes in the Washington Post about two pioneering female PhDs, Sophonisba Breckinridge and Edith Abbott, who faced immense sexism during their careers. Breckinridge was the first woman to earn her PhD in political science at the University of Chicago in 1901. Abbott, her partner, earned a PhD in economics in 1905.

Despite their qualifications, Breckinridge could only find part-time work as an instructor in the Department of Household Administration. Abbott could only find part-time work teaching statistics at the University of Chicago.

They struggled for years to gain recognition and it frequently occurred that both women were referred to as “Miss” while their male counterparts were referred to as “Professor” or “Doctor.”

Jabour writes, “Denying women titles demeaned their expertise and diminished their authority. Discrediting female professionals also devalued female-dominated fields of endeavor. Breckinridge knew that women had to claim their titles to announce their qualifications and establish the importance of their work. And they still do, explaining the fury over Epstein’s piece and why it was so problematic.”  Epstein, being a well-established American writer for decades, had an opportunity to shine as a Sage. Instead, he chose to step up as a foolish senex in his final years of his career and life.

Each crone differs. She chooses how she expresses herself. She chooses how to hold herself in this world, even though the conditioning of this sick society runs deep. The crone has the greatest opportunity -- perhaps for the first time in her life -- to embrace who she is. She can live the “not giving any more fucks about how she is perceived” life she always dreamed of. With the fetters of this ever-present traumatized and traumatizing patriarchy, many may have to do this within and not make many changes without, but even acknowledging it within can begin to change the world.

If and when you become a crone, I hope you’ll embrace the title because the world needs the special contributions that only crones can make. If you’d like to learn more about Cronehood itself and the ceremonies I curate for people, let’s keep in touch. Also, it is a privilege and honor to be a part of an upcoming book publication. My essay, entitled "All Hail the Crone" is included and you can preorder it here. My particular contribution covers embodying the Crone and breaking out of the patriarchy. The book overall includes all original poetry, essays, and visual art.

To set up an appointment with me (Marin County Sexologist), click here.

References

Epstein, Joseph. “Is There a Doctor in the White House? Not if You Need an M.D.” Wall Street Journal, December 11, 2020. https://www.wsj.com/articles/is-there-a-doctor-in-the-white-house-not-if-you-need-an-m-d-11607727380

Jabour, Anya. “Referring to female PhDs as ‘Dr.’ promotes equal treatment and values women’s work.” Washington Post, December 15, 2020. https://www.washingtonpost.com/outlook/2020/12/15/calling-female-phds-dr-promotes-equal-treatment-values-womens-work/?fbclid=IwAR0EzrfFnwN8T4fXldoa9012_7kVOxBnoB_TzCu3Tqjb2A6pEZmp8-ARr5Q