Family Romance as a Bridge Between Psychoanalysis and Gender-Affirming Care
by Dr. Denise Renye
Earlier today, I attended an online salon-style seminar led by author M.E. O’Brien and editor Vanessa Sinclair, exploring O’Brien’s essay Trans Childhoods and the Family Romance. Even through a screen, the conversation felt close and alive. It was a weaving together of theory, lived experience, and tribute to the late Cecilia Gentili, whose memoir informed much of the discussion.
As I listened, I was struck by how rarely a concept from Freud’s early psychoanalytic writing is reframed in a way that affirms, rather than undermines, the experiences of trans and gender non-conforming children.
Revisiting the “Family Romance”
In Freud’s original writing, the family romance describes a child’s fantasy of having different parents. These imagined parents are often more glamorous, loving, or powerful than the real ones. For Freud, this was a way children could experiment with identity and autonomy while still tethered to the reality of their actual family.
O’Brien’s reimagining offered something far more expansive. For some trans children, the fantasy of belonging elsewhere can be a way to protect and preserve their truth in environments that might not yet make space for it. In this light, the family romance is not a sign of pathology but a creative and adaptive strategy. It becomes a symbolic rehearsal for a life that feels more aligned with their inner knowing.
Where Psychoanalysis and Affirming Care Meet
Psychoanalysis and gender-affirming care may seem like distant cousins, but this conversation revealed how much they share.
Both acknowledge that identity unfolds over time, often in nonlinear ways.
Both honor the inner world, including fantasies, dreams, and symbols, as essential to the process of self-formation.
Both, at their best, hold space for uncertainty without rushing to close it down.
Why This Matters for Clinicians
As a trauma-informed psychologist and sex therapist, I often work with clients who are navigating the interplay between identity, relationships, and the social world. This reframing of the family romance reminded me that fantasy is not “just in the mind.” It can be an essential space of safety and possibility, especially when the external world feels limiting or unsafe.
The Importance of Belonging and How Therapy Can Help
Belonging is a fundamental human need. When someone feels unseen or misunderstood, the search for a place or a family where they truly belong can become urgent and complex. Therapy offers a space to explore these feelings, to hold the tensions between who you are and where you are, and to build a sense of belonging from the inside out. Through compassionate, affirming care, therapy can help individuals create a story of self that feels authentic and whole.
If you or someone you love is navigating questions of gender identity, self-understanding, or belonging, therapy can be a vital resource. I am here to listen, support, and walk alongside you on this journey.