Navigating Your First Holiday Season After Losing a Parent: Self-Care Strategies

by Dr. Denise Renye

The first holiday season after losing a parent can feel like navigating a stormy sea without a compass. Traditions may feel hollow, spaces in your heart and home may feel unbearably empty, and the expectation to “enjoy” the holidays can feel almost impossible. It’s normal for grief to intensify during this time, but it’s also a chance to practice deep self-care and compassion for yourself.

Here are some ways to take care of yourself during this difficult season:

1. Give Yourself Permission to Feel

Grief isn’t linear, and there’s no “right” way to feel during the holidays. You may feel sadness, anger, guilt, relief, or even fleeting moments of joy. Allow yourself to sit with whatever emotions arise without judgment. Journaling, talking with a therapist, or confiding in a trusted friend can help you process your feelings.

2. Set Boundaries Around Holiday Events

It’s okay to say no. Holiday gatherings can feel overwhelming, especially when everyone else seems to be “celebrating.” Decide what you can realistically handle and communicate your boundaries clearly. This might mean attending only part of a gathering, skipping certain events, or creating your own smaller, more manageable celebration.

3. Create New Traditions

Old traditions may feel impossible, and that’s okay. Instead, consider creating new rituals that honor your parent and feel meaningful to you. This could be lighting a candle in their memory, cooking their favorite recipe, or taking a quiet walk reflecting on memories. These acts can bring comfort and help you feel connected to your parent, even in their absence.

4. Prioritize Physical and Emotional Self-Care

Grief is exhausting, and the holidays often involve extra activity and socializing. Make sure to eat nourishing foods, stay hydrated, and get enough sleep. Gentle movement, such as yoga or walking, can also support your emotional well-being. Schedule quiet time for yourself daily to rest and recharge.

5. Limit Social Media and External Pressures

Scrolling through posts of “perfect” holiday celebrations can amplify feelings of loneliness or grief. Consider limiting your exposure to social media and instead focus on meaningful interactions and activities that support your healing.

6. Seek Support

Grief can feel isolating, but you don’t have to go through it alone. Consider joining a support group for people who have lost a parent, speaking with a grief counselor or your regular therapist, or simply leaning on friends and family who understand your loss. Sharing your experience can ease the emotional burden and remind you that your feelings are valid.

7. Be Gentle With Yourself

Above all, remember that it’s okay to take things slowly. There is no timeline for grief, and no expectation for how you “should” feel during the holidays. Treat yourself with the same kindness you would offer a loved one who is mourning.

The first holiday season without your parent will likely be bittersweet. By honoring your grief, setting compassionate boundaries, and finding small ways to care for yourself, you can navigate this season with a measure of peace and presence. Remember, self-care isn’t indulgence…it’s essential healing during one of life’s most tender moments.