I touched on it last week in a quote by Barbara Walker who wrote in her book The Crone that, “It was the medieval metamorphosis of the wise woman into the witch that changed the word Crone from a compliment to an insult and established the stereotype of malevolent old womanhood that continues to haunt elder women today.” And don’t even get me started on the wretched history of the word witch!

In many of my sessions with patients lately, the topic of anger has been coming up. This feeling is often perceived as a dangerous or “bad” emotion that can harm you and others. Thus, many people are scared of anger and are told to do whatever they can to squash it, to keep it hidden. I see this particularly in women (and folx who fall closer to feminine on the gender expression continuum) because we are instead encouraged to people-please and not rock any boats with anger. We’re encouraged to be “nice,” and anger isn’t a “nice” emotion. Men (and folx who fall closer to masculine on the gender expression continuum) experience the opposite – they are socialized to feel and express anger, but not sadness. (Think of common, old school sayings like “Boys don’t cry” or “Don’t be a sissy.”)

Passing from the phase of the Maiden to Mother is a sacred rite of passage. It includes but isn’t limited to physically birthing a child from one’s body. A woman can also pass into the phase of Motherhood by truly mothering herself, breaking free of childhood patterning or dynamics, or by confidently stepping into her own professionally. The sacred passage from Motherhood to Cronehood may occur when a woman becomes a grandmother, retires from her active profession, or when she transitions through menopause.

When it comes to White supremacist thinking, the questions are similar: “Do I address it directly? Or do I hold the tension of the situation and explore with this patient how they got to this hate-filled othering?” The answer, for me, is first the latter and then the former. And I would not have a session end before I do both.

Yes, our dynamics with others influence sexual energy for sure, but from my perspective it’s yours to unleash, play with, feel, and be. Sexual energy doesn’t live with a partner or lover. It lives within the depths of your being, there to support creation, pleasure, and joy.

From my point of view as a certified sexologist, the institution of religion (very different from spirituality, mind you) is fixated on the topic. The Catholic Church doesn’t teach comprehensive sexuality education and instead advocates abstinence only until marriage, which as we’ve seen over and over doesn’t work. In 2017, Columbia University published two studies on the topic and found “The weight of scientific evidence shows these programs do not help young people delay initiation of sexual intercourse.”

Consent is an ongoing mutual agreement between any two people about what they do or do not want to experience with their person, intellect, or energy. Nor is consent as simple as “no means no” and “yes means yes.” Consent evolves over time. Consent is an agreement that is worked out within oneself and then between the self and other(s). These agreements may shift and change. They require frequent discussion. However, consent is necessary to consider well beyond sex.

Teaching children accurate language increases safety and as those children grow they have more agency over their bodies. This can and does lead to more confidence and safety in intimate situations for adults. When safety and confidence are present, pleasure has the possibility of being more present than the feeling of anxiety. Anxiety and pleasure cannot coexist.

The devaluing and dismissing of women’s expertise ... this is all too common. This doesn’t happen only to women of course, but even dismissing the experience of expressions or values that may be considered more traditionally feminine and dismissing some homosexual men also is related to the denigration of women.

Starting any practice slowly and with intention is important. Begin by setting your alarm for 1 minute and be sure to pay closer attention to detail: choose a pleasant sound for the ending notification, if you can. It can be jarring to your nervous system to hear a loud clanging after such an intimate practice.

Saying goodbye to Trump, or any abusive person, is tricky and very much a mixed bag. Some common responses to ending an abusive relationship are guilt, fear, relief, and uncertainty. Much uncertainty arises around: Will they just leave without creating a traumatic scene? Will they hurt me on the way out?

Interpreting and processing dreams are ways to bring healing into our lives and allow us to make sense of both internal feelings, responses, and sensations as well as external events, interpersonal relationships, and familial patterns that we may be carrying with us for decades.

There’s a tendency to use judgment as a way to pressure, or even bully oneself into changing behaviors and habits. What possibilities in life may unfold if we speak kindly to ourselves? If we lovingly set intentions for the new year with an open heart, less perfectionism, and more compassion?

How am I defining emotional abuse? It’s yelling, putting a partner down (belittling through discounting their words, ideas, and beliefs), commenting on their body, not respecting their boundaries (not hearing their “no”), and saying one thing while doing another. Note: Actions speak louder than words.

In my work, I want my patients to gain awareness about the connection between their emotions, thoughts, somatic (body/physical) experiences, and spiritual life. Each of these components work in tandem to support a patient’s daily function. Conditioning to keep these separate runs deep and as much as we try to separate these pieces, they all support one another.

Change is hard. By nature, it’s scary and unfamiliar. So too is the process of integration for some. Nevertheless, the only constant in life is change, so how do we navigate this inevitable aspect? How do we integrate change, whether we asked for it or not?

People often equate denial with lying but sometimes denial isn’t necessarily a conscious act. Denial is instead a coping strategy, a way to hide from emotions like shame, fear, guilt, and distress. However, denial can also be used to hide from emotions like joy, excitement, and pride. Regardless, the common denominator is hiding (avoiding).

Last week I shared with you my perspective as a sexologist on the five circles of sexuality; this week, I want to share sensate focus with you as an exercise to facilitate sensual exploration and discovery with a partner.

he holidays are officially upon us. For some, this time of year is usually filled with travel and/or family gatherings. For others, they are unable or unwilling to see family and instead choose to spend the holidays with friends, chosen family, or possibly on a sojourn or solo retreat.

When it comes to sexuality, most people think of, well, sex. This word is both loaded and very limited. However, there are so many other aspects of sexuality that don’t get nearly enough air time.