The inner critic is born from unprocessed childhood trauma. If you dig deeper, you’ll likely find the inner critic voice is eerily similar to a parent or guardian, either in words you heard or interpretations through actions they showed. We often internalize those voices and messages that whisper tales of inadequacy and unworthiness. There may have been neglect, rejection, or emotional abuse in childhood and so to deal with the pain, often an inner critic arises that repeats these negative messages in an effort to wound yourself before anyone else has the chance to wound you. On the other hand, the inner critic may say, “If only you did things the right way, everything would be fine.”

The internet, and people in general, like to speak in absolutes about what people should do. But in my work as a sex therapist, I give space for my clients to figure out what is best for them, whether that’s ending the relationship with the emotionally unavailable person or supporting them as they navigate staying together. However, there are some general guidelines for healing.

Trauma leaves a lasting impact on a person’s sense of self and affects their mental well-being and intimate connections. There are many ways the body can process trauma and one of them is ethical, consensual fetish and kink play. A fetish is a behavior that someone cannot get sexually aroused without whereas kink is an activity or behavior someone enjoys that goes outside the bounds of “traditional,” or “vanilla” sex. A person may get incredibly turned on by a kink, but not necessarily need it to get off. If they do, it becomes a fetish. Fetishes may be kinks, but not all kinks are fetishes.

It's also the case that sometimes people want to experiment and that’s fine too! Exploring traditional gender norms or roles in a consensual and respectful manner can just be fun, it doesn’t have to mean anything or signify aligning with any particular political ideology, especially if it’s not a lifestyle choice and instead a sexual experimentation. For some couples, enacting traditional gender roles is a kink, or a type of sexual play that falls outside of “vanilla” sexual intercourse.

NVC is a method of speaking and listening developed by psychologist Dr. Marshall Rosenberg based on the premise that connection more easily leads to solutions. Oftentimes when people communicate with one another it’s in a binary way: “I’m right, you’re wrong,” or “I’m good and you’re bad.” These ways of thinking often lead to anger and anger can lead to violence if it’s not expressed healthily.

While over-familiarity can indeed decrease sexual attraction, it is not an inevitable outcome of a long-term relationship. Couples can take steps to maintain and even reignite their sexual attraction.

Constant phone use, including scrolling through social media, texting, or even playing mobile games, can lead to a lack of genuine emotional connection. Partners may struggle to engage in meaningful conversations and share their thoughts, dreams, and concerns when one or both individuals are constantly distracted by their devices. The emotional connection that once held the couple together may begin to erode and they may drift further apart.

In Colorado, where vibrant city life meets the tranquility of nature, many couples may feel pressure to keep their relationships strong, especially amidst life’s daily demands. For couples in Denver, Boulder, Fort Collins, and beyond, online sex therapy offers an effective, boutique therapy option to address intimacy challenges, rebuild connection, and enhance relationship communication. With over 20 years of experience as a licensed sex therapist, trained in the prestigious human sexuality program at Widener University in Philadelphia, I provide tailored, highly specialized support to help couples achieve meaningful progress in their relationships.

Body worship is a form of sexual play where one partner lavishes praise, attention, and sensual affection upon the other partner's body. It is a practice rooted in the idea that the human body is a work of art, worthy of admiration and celebration. This form of sexual expression transcends the boundaries of societal norms and allows individuals to explore their desires, connect on a deeper level, and foster a sense of intimacy that goes beyond the physical.