Defying Ageism: Being Beautiful at Any Age

By: Dr. Denise Renye

We all know beauty is in the eye of the beholder but even knowing that, it’s common to hear statements such as, “When she was younger, I bet she was beautiful/pretty/gorgeous,” etc. Sometimes this is directed toward men but more often than not, these comments are about women. Why would age dictate beauty? Why is it only the young who are considered attractive?

You likely already know the answer: ageism. This “ism” means bias against, discrimination toward, or bullying of individuals and groups based on their age. When someone says, “She/he was beautiful when they were younger,” they’re showing that they think a person can’t be beautiful, or as beautiful, when they’re older. 

The World Health Organization (WHO) says ageism can affect health, longevity, and well-being – it’s associated with an earlier death by 7.5 years, poorer physical and mental health, and slower recovery from disability in older age. Women are more affected by ageism because it intersects with sexism, which is an outcropping of patriarchy.

Under patriarchy, traditional men are given power and it’s taken away from women, nonbinary folx, and “girly” men. Also under patriarchy, the status quo is upheld such that traditional ways of thinking, acting, and being are prized while new ways are not. What this translates to is men who display what are perceived as “feminine” traits like sensitivity, vulnerability, and care are less valued under patriarchy and discriminated against. Patriarchy functions like a ladder, giving as much power and prestige as possible to straight men and proportionately less power and prestige to those who aren’t. Under this system, homosexual men have less power and prestige than straight men, but still more than a woman.

Patriarchy ensures that cis-gendered women are considered obsolete after a certain age (typically the few years preparing and entering into Cronehood) because they’re no longer viewed as sexually desirable, as though they were mere objects for gazing upon and producing offspring for men and society at large. To really highlight this point, I am once again linking to a blunt and somewhat exaggerated Amy Schumer sketch.

In other words, self-identified women often maintain social power by being perceived as sexually desirable, which means looking as young as possible. If they’re not young and beautiful, often they are ignored, treated as a bother, or told in a thousand small ways they don’t matter. There’s a whole industry propping up ageism and it’s called the anti-aging industry. According to P&S Intelligence, the anti-aging market was valued at $201 billion in 2021 and is expected to grow to $423 billion by 2030. This is supported by the growing number of cosmetic procedures, an aging population, and the easy availability of at-home anti-aging products.       

However, we are seeing examples of pro-aging as well. There are more examples of older women embracing their age and being called beautiful. Martha Stewart, 81, made history in May 2023 when she graced the cover of the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit edition as the oldest cover model in the publication’s history. She may or may not have had cosmetic surgery in her life.

There’s also award-winning actress Frances McDormand, 66, who told NPR almost 10 years ago, “Getting older and adjusting to all the things that biologically happen to you is not easy to do, and is a constant struggle and adjustment. So anything that makes that harder and more difficult – because I don’t believe that cosmetic enhancement makes it easier; I think it makes it harder. I think it makes it much more difficult to accept getting older. I want to be revered. I want to be an elder; I want to be an elderess.”

There’s a word for what McDormand wants to be: a Crone. The word is derived from cronus (time) and points to the wisdom gained through life experiences. This is the time when life experiences help the woman shed the concern she has regarding judgment from others. Crone also means crown. It is the time when a woman can more confidently wear her crown unabashedly, like McDormand is doing.

Far from “being pretty when she was younger,” Crones are beautiful now and it’s only ageism that prevents people from seeing that.

Journal Prompts

·      Reflect on a time when you may have made or heard judgments based on age and attractiveness – what beliefs or biases influenced those thoughts?

·      Consider a person in your life who has aged gracefully and ponder what qualities or characteristics of theirs you find most beautiful.

·      Explore how societal beauty standards have affected your own self-perception and self-worth over time.

Stay connected by subscribing to my newsletter where you’ll receive more on living an integrated, rich life. And for more information on my Individualized Crone Ceremony Coaching Program, please click here. I have worked with individuals and besties through this program.

 To set up an appointment to work together for sex therapy, depth psychotherapy, or holistic coaching now, click here. 

References

Comedy Central. “Inside Amy Schumer - Last F**kable Day (ft. Tina Fey, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, and Patricia Arquette).” YouTube.com. April 22, 2015. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XPpsI8mWKmg&t=177s

P&S Intelligence. “Anti-Aging Market Size and Share Analysis by Product (Anti-Wrinkle, Hair Color, Ultraviolet Absorption, Anti-Stretch Mark), Treatment (Hair Restoration, Anti-Pigmentation, Adult Acne Therapy, Breast Augmentation, Liposuction, Chemical Peel), Demography (Generation X, Baby Boomers, Generation Y, Generation Z) - Global Industry Revenue Estimation and Demand Forecast to 2030.” PSMarketresearch.com. November 2022. https://www.psmarketresearch.com/market-analysis/anti-aging-market?utm_source=PRN&utm_medium=referral&utm_campaign=PRN_PAID

NPR Staff. “Like Olive Kitteridge, Actress Frances McDormand Was Tired Of Supporting Roles.” All Things Considered. October 31, 2014. https://www.npr.org/2014/10/31/360183633/like-olive-kitteridge-actress-frances-mcdormand-was-tired-of-supporting-roles

Williams, Madison. “Martha Stewart Featured As 2023 SI Swimsuit Cover Model.” Sports Illustrated. May 15, 2023. https://www.si.com/extra-mustard/2023/05/15/martha-stewart-featured-2023-si-swimsuit-cover-model

World Health Organization. “Ageing: Agism.” March 18, 2021. https://www.who.int/news-room/questions-and-answers/item/ageing-ageism