Keep in mind that just as holidays can be challenging, you can also exit the holiday season with an increased sense of emotional resilience and stronger boundaries. You can feel proud of yourself for making it through and even having a fun time with what you do choose to do with your time. The way to create that is by maintaining your self-care practice, paying attention to yourself, and acting in ways that are in integrity with your personal values and long-term goals.

Attachment might make us cling, chase, or fear loss, but love requires conscious engagement. It’s a daily decision to show up, to care, and to be patient with both ourselves and our partner. The honeymoon phase is just the beginning as the real relationship starts when we choose to stay after the infatuation fades and navigate life’s complexities together.

Ultimately, couples can only truly know each other when they move past the initial intensity, confront emotional patterns, and build connection that is grounded in awareness, empathy, and resilience.

How does a person with an addiction break free from this cycle? I’ve witnessed over and over again that people often become sober when they learn they can feel their feelings safely. They can bring the feelings out of the shadows and into their body by calling someone who understands, going to therapy, freewriting, using spirituality, or setting a timer to allot how long they’ll let themselves feel.    

The identified patient is a complex phenomenon that can have profound effects on a family's dynamics. By understanding the roles, dynamics, and underlying issues associated with the IP, families can embark on a journey of healing and growth. By acknowledging the shared responsibility and committing to open communication and professional support, families can move towards healthier, more harmonious relationships. Remember, true healing occurs when all family members actively participate and work together towards a more fulfilling future.

Boundary-setting may feel difficult or foreign even because many (most) folx didn’t learn boundary setting and maintenance growing up. It’s not uncommon for a person with an addiction or addictive behavior to grow up in an environment where boundaries were not honored. For instance, they may have grown up in a chaotic home where there was no enforced bedtime, or their privacy was invaded by a caregiver reading their personal journal. Oftentimes, food, a substance, or behavior is a way to regain a semblance of control in the person’s life and/or offers an escape from emotions that feel too intense to feel. Something that was occasional becomes more frequent until it becomes an addiction.

Psychologist Dorothy Tennov first described the term in 1979 in her book Love and Limerence: The Experience of Being in Love. Limerence is less grounded than love because it involves a heck of a lot of projection and fantasy. Instead of seeing the other person for who they are, flaws and all, someone in the throes of limerence will ignore red flags because “love conquers all.” They may imagine activities and outings with the other person, how they’ll dress, what they’ll say because at this point, the other person is still a mystery.  

We human beings are complex and often, unconsciously and creatively, employ various strategies to avoid pain: primarily addictions and bypassing. Spiritual bypassing is sidestepping or avoiding facing unresolved emotional issues, psychological wounds, and unfinished developmental tasks but talking the talk of an individual who is more “spiritually evolved.”

The medical profession is becoming increasingly interested in using psychedelics for deeper healing and given the resurgence in the West (note that using psychedelics for healing has been practiced indigenously for millennia), it’s no wonder people from all backgrounds, including those in recovery from addiction, are curious whether psychedelics can help them.

This sort of behavior is not about relating directly to the crush and instead about getting a dopamine hit from the fantasy. The crush becomes an object for the person to project their hopes and dreams on without doing the hard work of actually engaging.