It's not my place to label your relationships, but nor is it the place of anyone not in the relationship. What I’m getting at here is that old axiom you’ve likely heard: “Don’t assume because that makes an ‘ass’ out of ‘u’ and ‘me.’” If you see a hetero-appearing couple on the street, in the grocery store, or anywhere else, make a mental note to not straightwash them because truly, you have no idea what someone’s sexuality is until they tell you.

Slowing down, then, is not just a lifestyle shift; it’s a reparative act. It tells the parts of you that were rushed through heartbreak, brushed past in grief, or silenced in fear that they matter now. That their feelings, their pace, their needs are valid. In a world that rewards urgency and productivity, choosing to move with care becomes an act of self-honoring. You stop pushing past yourself and instead start listening in.

A partner with discipline doesn’t need to chase the thrill of something new to feel desirable. They’re not seeking a high—they’re seeking something real. Their self-worth isn’t on the line every time attraction enters the room. That steadiness makes space for emotional depth.

So how do we learn to both hold and release? It starts with deep self-awareness. We must examine our own fears, our attachment patterns, and the ways in which we seek to control love rather than experience it. We must also cultivate trust—both in ourselves and in the people we care about.

This balance isn’t always easy. Sometimes, it means letting go of expectations. Sometimes, it means allowing space for silence, uncertainty, or distance. And sometimes, it means acknowledging when love is no longer aligned and releasing it with grace.

The most fulfilling relationships are not the ones where we lose ourselves, but the ones where we are found—fully, freely, and without constraint. The delicate nature of love is that it cannot be owned, only experienced. And in learning how to hold and set free at the same time, we may discover the deepest, most enduring connections of all.

Through therapy, individuals can develop a clearer understanding of their boundaries, acquire effective communication skills, and overcome guilt and shame associated with asserting their needs. By establishing and maintaining limits, individuals empower themselves, strengthen their sobriety (however that is personally defined).