Intuition or Dysregulation? How to Tell the Difference When Your Nervous System Is Involved

by Dr. Denise Renye

Many people ask how to tell the difference between intuition and dysregulation. This question comes up often in trauma informed therapy, attachment focused therapy, and sex therapy, especially for people who are highly sensitive or have a history of relational trauma.

Clients will often say, “I am trusting my intuition,” while simultaneously feeling anxious, urgent, or flooded. Others wonder whether what they are feeling is intuition or anxiety, intuition or trauma response, or intuition or nervous system dysregulation.

While intuition and dysregulation can both feel embodied and convincing, they are not the same. Learning to tell the difference between intuition and dysregulation is essential for emotional regulation, healthy relationships, and trauma recovery.

What Intuition Is

Intuition is a calm, grounded inner knowing that arises when the nervous system is relatively regulated. It comes from integration rather than survival activation.

People often describe intuition as:

• Quiet and steady rather than loud or urgent

• Clear without panic or pressure

• Grounded in the present moment

• Consistent over time

• Not driven by fear, reassurance seeking, or the need to act immediately

Intuition often feels like a soft certainty. Emotion may be present, but it does not overwhelm the system. There is space to reflect and choose.

True intuition does not hijack the nervous system.

What Nervous System Dysregulation Feels Like

Dysregulation occurs when the nervous system moves outside the window of tolerance. This is common for people with trauma history, attachment wounds, chronic stress, or complex relational experiences, especially when making boundaries.

Dysregulation can feel like intuition because it is embodied and intense. However, it is driven by survival physiology rather than inner knowing.

Common signs of nervous system dysregulation include:

• Urgency or pressure to act right away

• Racing thoughts or mental looping

• Fear of abandonment, rejection, or loss

• Hyperfocus on another person’s behavior or availability

• Difficulty tolerating uncertainty or waiting

• Catastrophic thinking or a sense that something bad is about to happen

• Physical sensations such as tightness in the chest, shallow breathing, nausea, agitation, or restlessness

Dysregulation often sounds like:

“If I do not act now, something bad will happen.”

This is not intuition. This is a trauma response or anxiety driven nervous system activation.

Why Trauma Makes Intuition and Dysregulation Hard to Distinguish

For people with trauma or attachment trauma, the nervous system learned early to scan for danger. Hypervigilance can begin to feel like insight, and anxiety can masquerade as intuition.

Many trauma survivors were rewarded for being perceptive, anticipatory, or emotionally attuned in unsafe environments. As adults, this can show up as:

• Overinterpreting relational cues

• Confusing anxiety with intuition

• Mistaking intensity for truth

• Feeling responsible for other people’s emotions or reactions

This is not a personal flaw. It is an adaptive survival strategy that once served a purpose.

How to Tell the Difference Between Intuition and Dysregulation

When you are unsure whether you are experiencing intuition or nervous system dysregulation, pause and reflect on the following questions.

1. Is there urgency or pressure? Intuition allows time. Dysregulation demands immediate action.

2. Can I breathe fully and feel my body? Intuition coexists with breath and grounding. Dysregulation constricts breath and narrows awareness.

3. Does this knowing remain stable over time? Intuition is consistent. Dysregulation fluctuates with mood, triggers, and proximity to others.

4. Am I trying to reduce anxiety or listen to inner truth? If the impulse is about soothing distress rather than honoring clarity, dysregulation is likely present.

5. What happens if I wait 24 to 48 hours? Intuition will still be there. Dysregulation often softens once the nervous system settles.

Regulation Comes Before Reliable Intuition

A core principle in trauma informed therapy is that intuition becomes more trustworthy as the nervous system becomes more regulated.

Practices that support nervous system regulation include:

• Somatic and embodiment practices

• Tracking physical sensation rather than story

• Slowing down relational pacing

• Grounding through breath, movement, or time in nature

• Working with a trauma informed therapist or somatic therapist

You do not need to override your nervous system to access intuition. You need to support it.

Intuition vs Dysregulation in Relationships

In romantic relationships, dating, or attachment based dynamics, dysregulation often shows up as:

• Something feels off and I need to say something now

• I cannot relax until I know where I stand

• If I do not act, I will lose this connection

Intuition in relationships tends to sound more like:

• I notice I feel unsettled and I am going to regulate myself first

• I do not have enough information yet

• I can watch behavior over time rather than react to anxiety

Intuition respects time and pacing. Dysregulation feels threatened by waiting.

A Trauma Informed Reframe

If you have acted from dysregulation while believing it was intuition, it does not mean you cannot trust yourself. It means your nervous system learned to protect you early.

Healing is not about silencing inner signals. It is about slowing down enough to tell the difference between intuition and a trauma response.

When in doubt, choose nervous system regulation first.

Clarity follows.

If you are looking for trauma informed therapy, somatic therapy, or support in understanding intuition versus anxiety in relationships, you can learn more about my work here.