Disorganized attachment develops as a protective response to early experiences where love and danger were closely connected. If you recognize yourself in these dynamics, you are not alone. Healing often involves slow and steady intimacy rather than sudden closeness and “needing to profess your love or you’ll burst” moments, nervous system regulation through somatic practices and embodiment work, therapeutic relationships that offer consistency and repair, learning to tolerate being seen without collapsing into shame, and building internal capacity one small step at a time.

n essence, earned secure attachment is a growing sense of calm, even in moments of conflict or uncertainty. There starts to be more calm, more peace than anxiety. Earned secure attachment allows for holding both closeness and autonomy without panic. There’s a sense of self and independence while maintaining connection to others. Sometimes this means holding seemingly contradictory feelings at the same time; wanting closeness but also needing space.