Celebrating the Holidays on Your Own Terms

by Dr. Denise Renye

Holidays are often portrayed as a time of joy, family gatherings, and warmth. In reality, they can be messy, complicated, and layered with emotions that do not always fit neatly into a greeting card. For some, they bring nostalgia and connection; for others, they stir up grief, loneliness, or tension. And that is okay.

Not everyone’s family looks like the picture-perfect scenes we see in movies. Many people come from families where relationships are fractured, toxic, or absent. Others do not fit the traditional mold because of sexuality, gender identity, lifestyle choices, or just the fact that the family you were born into does not align with who you are today.

This is where chosen family can become a lifeline. Your chosen family can be friends, partners, mentors, or communities that see and support you fully. They are the people who celebrate your wins, hold you when you are hurting, and make room for all the complexity of who you are. Holidays with chosen family are not about obligation but about genuine connection.

The holidays can be an opportunity to create rituals and traditions that truly reflect your life and values. There is freedom in designing your own celebrations and in honoring your authentic self.

This does not mean the holidays will always be easy. Emotions may be intense, old wounds might surface, and you may feel the pull of societal expectations. But it also means you have the power to redefine what the season looks like for you. You can cultivate moments of joy, connection, and meaning on your own terms, surrounded by the people who truly see you.

This year, give yourself permission to honor your feelings, embrace your chosen family, and celebrate the holidays in a way that feels real. Your holidays do not have to look like anyone else’s, they just need to feel like yours.