A Sex Therapist Reveals How Well Sex Education Portrays Sex Therapy

We all know TV and movies don’t always get it right in terms of their portrayals so how does Sex Education stack up in regards to sex therapy? Is it more fiction than fact? Surprisingly, no. Is it unrealistic that Otis would know so much about sex therapy without going through proper training and certification? Absolutely. As a Bay Area sex therapist and sexologist, I had a rigorous training process – more than 300 hours of additional training and an additional 50 extra hours of supervision on top of my licensure. The things I learned cannot be gleaned by osmosis so in that way, Sex Education is a complete work of fiction.

Denise RenyeMarch 7, 2024sex therapy, sex, sexology, couples therapy, couples, marin county sex therapist

Female Orgasms and Unrealistic Expectations

For folx who have sex with people with clitorises, it’s important that they realize vaginal penetration alone may not cut it, and as with all satisfying sex, communication is key. At Whole Person Integration, we say bring consciousness back to the bedroom. Communicate wants and desires. But also explore…and explore widely, vastly, and wildly…if you so desire. You may have “tried and true” methods of coming but part of the fun with sex is learning new forms of pleasure. What else can you try? The answer may surprise you.

Sex Remains Important in Long-Term Relationships

Sex…it’s something that is typically part of a romantic partnership or marriage and it’s wise to have a conversation about it from the beginning of a connection. People may be asexual, pansexual, have a high interest in sex, have kinky desires, prefer a vanilla scene, or anything in between. But there is a prevalent and under-talked about sexual concern in some relationships.

Why It’s Important to Use the Term ‘Sex Worker’

When people use terms other than sex worker, they diminish that sex work is actually work. Either that or they try to keep sex work in the shadows, pretend it doesn’t exist, or somehow turn it into something it’s not. Leigh understood that and she became one of the leading advocates for sex workers in the Bay Area campaigning both as herself and her stage persona the Scarlot Harlot. For instance, she helped dancers at a San Francisco club, Lusty Lady, bargain for their first labor contract in 1997.

How Reconnecting to the Body Helps Erectile Dysfunction

By doing so, these folx with penises learn more about themselves. They are able to decipher their body's cues and act upon them. They understand their bodies are not machines that obey every command. Instead, the body is a living, breathing organism with its own rhythms and wants. Reconnecting the mind and body creates attunement and harmony, which is more satisfying for everyone involved.

Physical Intimacy is More than Sex

The pleasure-oriented approach emphasizes all parts of the sexual encounter, including what has traditionally been called "foreplay," a word I take issue with. Historically, foreplay has been a heterosexual relationship concern. Often, men assume they have to do this/these act(s) known as foreplay (digital stim, oral stim, etc.) in order to really get to “it” (intercourse).

Denise RenyeApril 29, 2022foreplay, sex, sexuality, human sexuality, sensuality, sensual touch, couples therapy

3 Ways to Determine if You’re a Match

When entering into a romantic, sexual, or emotional partnership, it’s important to match maturity levels. Being a match involves more than, “I like dogs, you like dogs; we’re good!” Three very basic areas to determine whether you’re a match involve the following:

Denise RenyeDecember 20, 2021sex, love, relationship, romantic partner

Taking a Broader View of Sex

When many people think of sex, they think of penis-in-vagina (PIV) intercourse. They may also think of orgasms and ejaculation. However, as a sexologist, I take a broader view of sex. There are at least five circles of sexuality, and I include foreplay as well as aftercare in the sexual experience. Foreplay and aftercare are just as important, even integral, for sex as orgasm and/or ejaculation.

Bringing Consciousness Back into the Bedroom

“What’s communication like?” Are both people in the couple talking about sex? What they like, what they don’t, how frequently they want to have it? Or is sex filled with assumptions and expectations? If it’s the latter, that’s the recipe for an unsatisfying sexual encounter. And yet not many of us have been taught the skills to learn how to have these integral conversations. Instead, melting into the taboo of cheating is the way many folx still proceed.

Professional Therapy Never Involves Sex

Therapy – whether it’s traditional, psychedelic-assisted, or sex therapy – never involves sex. Ever. Neither does therapy ever involve verbal sexual advances or any other kind of sexual contact or behavior.

Breaking Free from the Shame Around Masturbation

Many of us are indoctrinated with shame. It seems to be a readily used societal mechanism to control and dominate when someone or something is perceived to be out of control. A place where that shows up a great deal is with sex, including solo sex, or masturbation. Shame is the instilled belief there’s something bad or wrong with you — fundamentally. It’s not the feeling that you made a mistake, but rather the feeling you are a mistake.

For Therapists: Working with Sex Workers

Sex workers (sworkers). They are arguably the crux of most cultures, offering a service that is uniquely intimate. They are a part of every sociocultural makeup, yet denied, sometimes as existing, and sometimes as deserving, especially as deserving basic worker rights. International Sex Workers’ Day, or International Whore’s Day, was on June 2. This day of recognition, established in 1975 by a group of French sex workers, brings attention to the inhumane working conditions for people in this profession.

Using ‘Sexuality Mapping’ to Heal

I created a technique about 15 years ago called “Sexuality Mapping” as a way of working with a person’s sexuality and sexualness in order to potentially heal trauma by gaining a deeper understanding of their sexual past so that going forward they can make choices in alignment with who they really are.

Our Sexual Energies, Ourselves

Yes, our dynamics with others influence sexual energy for sure, but from my perspective it’s yours to unleash, play with, feel, and be. Sexual energy doesn’t live with a partner or lover. It lives within the depths of your being, there to support creation, pleasure, and joy.

Consent is Sexy In and Out of the Bedroom

Consent is an ongoing mutual agreement between any two people about what they do or do not want to experience with their person, intellect, or energy. Nor is consent as simple as “no means no” and “yes means yes.” Consent evolves over time. Consent is an agreement that is worked out within oneself and then between the self and other(s). These agreements may shift and change. They require frequent discussion. However, consent is necessary to consider well beyond sex.

Exploring Sensate Focus

Last week I shared with you my perspective as a sexologist on the five circles of sexuality; this week, I want to share sensate focus with you as an exercise to facilitate sensual exploration and discovery with a partner.

3 ways Embodiment may Increase your Levels of Intimacy Satisfaction

You know you are embodied when you feel that pit in your stomach that says, “Stay away!” or “Move closer!” to a particular person, event ,or situation. While you have to be embodied to receive that message, whether you consciously listen

Denise RenyeAugust 3, 2020embodiment, sexuality, sex, sex therapy

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