Gone are the days when marriage meant being with someone solely for the sake of fulfilling societal expectations or securing financial stability. Now people seek partners who offer emotional availability, understanding, and support. They desire relationships built on mutual respect, shared values, and a sense of partnership. They want companions who enhance their lives and share their journeys. People want a partner who listens with empathy, communicates openly, and demonstrates emotional maturity. It’s part of the reason I’ve seen an uptick in requests for premarital counseling – modern couples recognize marriage takes effort and they want to enter their marriage with as many tools in their toolbox as possible.
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Our society places a premium on achieving orgasm as the pinnacle of sexual satisfaction so it's easy to lose sight of the many other forms of pleasure that can be found along the way. While orgasms can certainly be a pleasurable and fulfilling part of sex for many people, they are by no means the sole measure of sexual satisfaction, especially when you factor in the issues surrounding orgasms.
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The inner critic is born from unprocessed childhood trauma. If you dig deeper, you’ll likely find the inner critic voice is eerily similar to a parent or guardian, either in words you heard or interpretations through actions they showed. We often internalize those voices and messages that whisper tales of inadequacy and unworthiness. There may have been neglect, rejection, or emotional abuse in childhood and so to deal with the pain, often an inner critic arises that repeats these negative messages in an effort to wound yourself before anyone else has the chance to wound you. On the other hand, the inner critic may say, “If only you did things the right way, everything would be fine.”
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The internet, and people in general, like to speak in absolutes about what people should do. But in my work as a sex therapist, I give space for my clients to figure out what is best for them, whether that’s ending the relationship with the emotionally unavailable person or supporting them as they navigate staying together. However, there are some general guidelines for healing.
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