How Social Media Impacts Sexuality and Sexual Expression

By: Dr. Denise Renye

There’s a lot of talk about the dangers of social media, specifically its effect on mental health and self-esteem for adolescents and young adults. However, what receives little focus is how social media impacts sexuality. This applies not only to youth but to everyone. As a Bay Area sex therapist, I’m tracking the good, the bad, the ugly, and everything in between when it comes to social media and sexuality.

On the positive side, social media platforms have become invaluable sources of sexual information. People are educating themselves and hearing personal anecdotes in a way they haven’t before. Sharing this content in a digestible way is a wonderful thing so of course as a Bay Area sexologist, I’m appreciative of this aspect of social media.

Because of the connection social media creates via access to real people, communities also abound whereby folx are no longer isolated in their sexual preferences. They can connect over their shared kinks and fetishes or their lack of sexual interest altogether in the case of asexuals. The communities go beyond sexual preferences and also encompass how people move through the world in their bodies.    

Social media contributes to body positivity movements by showcasing diverse body types and challenging conventional beauty standards, fostering a more inclusive environment. No longer is one “ideal” body type showcased and instead, if people seek it out, they can see themselves represented. There is a home for everyone on the internet and this is a beautiful thing.

In my master’s program through the Center for Human Sexuality Studies at Widener University in Philadelphia, I took a course called “Sex and the Internet.” It was about 20 years ago and while the internet has advanced in terms of what can be accessed online (and how), it was the first time I really understood how the internet provided a space for disenfranchised people to unite. People who would never have found each other in the pre-internet world now could, and can!

Speaking of finding each other and feeling at ease, online platforms have made it easier to feel at home wherever you are because connection with loved ones is possible in an instant. As a Bay Area sex therapist, I do a lot of work around intimacy and improving relationships. Online platforms make it easy to stay in touch while people are traveling or to nurture the flame of long-distance relationships. Sharing jokes, memes, and pictures of daily life can help people who are far away from each other feel like they’re still involved in each other’s lives. And video calls mean if you want to see one another in real time, you can.

Those are the positives with social media, but there’s a shadow side as well. Even though we have the body positivity movement, social media is still littered with people nitpicking one another. In January, the Guardian reported that children as young as 10 are demanding anti-aging products. Why? Because they’re influenced by social media, of course. They’re told aging is a bad thing, which it’s not. In fact, in my work, I encourage people to step into the third act of their lives in an empowered way.

Social media has many messages about body image but it can also negatively impact sexual relationships. The constant stream of carefully curated images and narratives can contribute to issues related to self-esteem and confidence in one's sexual experiences. Only showing pictures of happy, smiling couples can lead to feelings of inadequacy and dissatisfaction because social media is only portraying the highlight reel and not the moments of contention that arise in all relationships.

It’s hard to remember that social media isn’t showing the full story and so people often think there’s something wrong with them or their relationships if they aren’t in a constant state of harmony. (There’s not.)

Moreover, the anonymity afforded by social media sometimes leads to cyberbullying and online harassment. Social media feels like a “safe” outlet to express anger and frustration because the person isn’t in the room and bullies forget they’re talking to real people. However, they are talking to real people, and cyberbullying as well as harassment negatively affects individuals' mental health, including their sexual well-being. As a Bay Area sex therapist, I’ve seen firsthand how negative comments can torpedo someone’s self-esteem and self-confidence.

For these reasons, some people choose to stay off social media altogether, which is fine and very much their choice. However, as you can likely guess, one group where I advocate careful consideration of joining social media is adolescents because youth are particularly vulnerable to being influenced by what they see, as we witnessed with 10-year-olds wanting anti-aging products. I advocate for healthy and realistic perceptions of sex and relationships and there’s no guarantee that will occur on social media.

Yes, these online platforms spur support groups, communities, and the creation of resources related to sexual health. There’s sharing of advice, experiences, and information, which is all beneficial and helpful. But that must also be balanced with responsible usage and awareness. Just because someone said something on TikTok doesn’t mean it’s true. When in doubt, ask a professional, such as myself.

To set up an appointment to work together for sex therapy, depth psychotherapy, or holistic coaching now, click here. 

Reference

Marsh, Sarah. “Children as Young as 10 Demanding Anti-Ageing Products, say UK Dermatologists.” The Guardian. January 11, 2024. https://www.theguardian.com/society/2024/jan/11/uk-parents-urged-not-to-buy-children-anti-ageing-skin-products