How EMDR Can Promote Sexual Healing

By: Dr. Denise Renye

In my work as a Bay Area sex therapist trained in trauma healing, I use a variety of techniques to support my clients and patients to become more fully themselves and freed from the shackles of their painful pasts. That’s what trauma is, after all – emotional wounds that haven’t ever healed that color how a person views their present moment.

If someone was sexually assaulted, they may struggle to feel safe in their body and in the world. They may view certain genders as a threat even when there isn’t any evidence to support that claim regarding the person in front of them. This is what trauma does – it doesn’t follow logic or reason and becomes something primal, emotional, and somatic.

As a Bay Area trauma-informed therapist, I’m well aware of how trauma works and how to untangle it. One of the approaches I use with my clients and patients is eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR). If you’re unfamiliar with this therapeutic tool, a therapist will have their client think of a traumatic memory and then the client follows with their eyes the therapist’s finger, a pencil, or some other object that’s placed a few feet away as the therapist moves their finger or object bilaterally. The client may also engage in tapping bilaterally on the chest. EMDR can be done in-person or through remote therapy/telehealth.

By tracing the finger or object with their eyes while remembering what happened to them, the client activates both hemispheres of the brain and “unsticks” the trauma by creating new neural pathways. Traumatic memories soften when people can view them in a different light and this is what EMDR accomplishes. Instead of holding tightly to a traumatic memory such as a sexual assault, the client brings more spaciousness to the event, which then allows their nervous system to relax.

As an EMDR-trained professional, I follow up the traumatic memory with a positive one where my client felt safe and empowered to cement that feeling in their mind, which also helps to process trauma. That’s because trauma occurs when a person’s nervous system is overwhelmed and they feel powerless, helpless, and not in control. By bringing back a feeling of agency, the traumatic memory softens and becomes more neutral, rather than a highly charged one. 

EMDR is used to address a wide range of psychological issues, including those related to sexuality and relationships. It effectively addresses the underlying causes of various mental health challenges such as depression and anxiety. I view these challenges as symptoms indicating there is something right with my patients and clients, not something wrong with them.

I know that may sound odd, bold even, but the body and the psyche are intelligent. They do what they do for a reason. For instance, if a person grew up in an abusive household, it makes perfect sense that they may struggle to trust other people. They adapted in such a way to keep themselves safe from further abuse as relationships were not historically places of safety.

Sexuality and relationship issues often stem from past experiences that have left emotional scars or negative beliefs about one’s self and others. EMDR facilitates the reprocessing of these memories, helping individuals to integrate positive and adaptive information, and desensitize the emotional charge associated with past traumas. In the realm of sexuality, EMDR can assist individuals in overcoming inhibitions, shame, or negative self-perceptions that may hinder their healthy sexual expression.

For instance, instead of holding on to the idea they are bad or wrong for wanting to engage in a kink such as dressing up in another gender’s clothes in or out of the bedroom, EMDR can help a person realize there’s nothing shameful about liking what they like as long as it’s safe and consensual.

Sexuality isn’t only about sexual intercourse though. It’s also about relationships and in the context of relationships, EMDR can be instrumental in addressing attachment-related wounds or experiences of betrayal. By targeting negative cognitions and emotional reactions linked to past relational traumas, my clients can develop a more secure sense of self and build healthier connections with others. EMDR supports them in fostering emotional healing and resilience. This can be particularly impactful for those navigating challenges such as infidelity, communication breakdowns, or the aftermath of past abusive relationships.

What I like about EMDR as a Bay Area sex therapist is it gets at a person’s trauma in a way that’s not possible via talk therapy alone. As I’ve written about before, trauma is held in the body, not only the brain, and EMDR bridges that gap, connecting mind and body to support a person’s healing.

By facilitating the reprocessing of traumatic memories and negative beliefs, EMDR empowers people to embrace healthier perspectives, foster personal growth, and improves interpersonal dynamics. The integrative and adaptive nature of EMDR makes it a valuable resource for sex therapists working to support clients in overcoming the obstacles that may be hindering their sexual and relational well-being.

If you’re looking for an EMDR therapist, or want to work together on sex therapy, depth psychotherapy, or holistic coaching, click here.

Marin County Sex Therapist